love Archives - Blowing It

If You Believe Something Is Unconditional It’s Because You’ve Adapted To The Condition You’re In.

Change it and I assure you many emotions will diametrically rearrange. It might not feel so unconditional after all. Yes, we all love family unconditionally and I would argue that family is a condition we were born into. But have a family member lie, cheat, and steal from you. Or have them tell you they hate you enough times and leave never to return, those feelings of unconditional love may begin to waiver.

Challenges To Your Conditioning

You may love your spouse unconditionally or so that’s what you say. But have him leave the toilet set up one too many times. Or not take your side on certain issues. Worse yet, have him come home to tell you that he’s been sleeping with your sister and they’re in love and planning to eventually marry. That would challenge your unconditional love for both your spouse and your sister. The conditions you loved them both under, fundamentally changed for the worse and you now feel a different kind of strong emotion towards the both of them.

Some might say, “well I love Jesus, Buddha, God, Allah, Shiva (whatever your deity might be), unconditionally.” Well of course you do, they remain unchanging figures, the only way they change is in how you view them. They can’t actually do anything to you to cause you strife. If you blame them for some unforeseen hardships, the relationship than becomes conditional. And in that since you may end up cursing their names.

Why It’s Good To Have Conditions

We all want to believe that many things in our lives are unconditional. Love, trust, acceptance, devotion, respect. But we all have our biases, a construct of conditions that we can live with and those we can not.

How great it would be to receive all these things unconditionally but its the conditions that keep us in check, they keep us honest, they keep us from developing into a terrible human beings. If we received everything free without conditions we would value absolutely nothing. We could walk all over people with no regard for they’re feelings because their feelings wouldn’t matter, we know they’re unconditionally unchanging. Granted you you have to be a terrible person to take such advantage but you may be taught to do so if you keep messing up and you keep getting more chances. All I’m saying is we are all conditional beings and there is nothing wrong with that, it’s actually highly beneficial.

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Trust Is A Gift We Give To Those Who Earn It. It Technically Doesn’t Cost A Thing. So If We Give It Freely, How Can It Be Stolen From Us?

Betrayal of trust is one of the hardest things we must endure. It is so much harder to repair when lost or stolen then any material good. The thieves come in many forms.

They can be actual thieves that break in to your home, and steal your trust of having a safe home. It can be the break down of a vehicle that has never before let you down.

Body Betrayal.

This can also happen when your body breaks down. Medical ailments can shake the foundations of the once very trustworthy body you have claim to or a strong loved ones body failing.

Conned.

It can be a con artist that steals your trust in helpful strangers. It can come in the form of horribly selfish individuals that steal your trust in mankind. Most trust betrayals are exactly that, selfish acts.

Loved One’s Stealing.

However more often then anything else the thefts come from the ones we love most. Its the people and things who managed to get closet to us. Those we have given all access to our trust, that can rob us blind.

They usually have done more than enough to earn it. That’s why it’s so hard to recoup it when another destroys it. It comes in many different forms from loved ones as well.

A Cheating Spouse.

Will rob you of your trust in faithfulness.

A difficult child may rob you of your trust in having children.

One of the most insidious trust betrayals is trust in love. When you believe to have the love of another individual and they take that love away. That is probably the hardest to come back from. But it’s possible, not all people are the same and very few actually want to steal your trust.

I’ve been on both side of the coin. I’ve been the thief and the patsy. And let me tell you, every time trust plays a roll, you feel horrible no matter the side. Unless you are a true sociopath.

Repair Within.

Trust can be rebuilt, maybe not with the same individuals or the same things that you once trusted in. But there is hope.

Frustratingly there are no easy fixes, it takes time to repair the damages. The best we can do is to not give up. All humanity is not lost and others should be given a chance. Try to do things differently next time around.

Keep giving it to those who earn it. They just may have to work a little harder for it. And if they give up easily on that journey they would have done the same had you given them your trust earlier on.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

Tag: love

All Things Are Conditional, Nothing Is Truly Unconditional #199