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Blowing It Scenario #56-Giving Another All Your Power.

A Failure Of The Heart.

My uncle recently dispelled some powerful knowledge to me. Knowledge he once received from a therapist. That therapist said, “the person who wants a relationship the least, holds all the power.” What a profoundly truthful statement that is, sad but true. We often think if we give another our all, nothing could ever possibly go wrong, that love will be reciprocated and we’ll all live happily ever after. And sometimes this is the case but quite often it’s not. However don’t go sheltering yourself just because the possibility of failure looms.

Relationships need balance. It takes two giving their all and when both parties agree to this, you have the makings of incredible life partner. Other times a relationship may fall out of balance and when they do their are a few options you can implement in the hopes of restoration. Some of you may not like these options but they often work. There is a lesson in sociology that I once learned while taking a course titled interpersonal relationships. This sociology lesson is somewhat of a relationship guide called the Telly Line. The Telly Line is an imaginary line that’s between both parties in all relationships. It’s the line that dictates the balance between the two. When you are both directly on the line across from each other you are in perfect harmony, a symbol of love, respect and happiness. However it starts to get interesting once that balance is removed and one of the participants moves away from the line. The one who moved away, now holds all the power. But understanding this we can make adjustments and correct the imbalance. When a loved one moves away from you on the line, your heart may tell you to keep pushing forward, push harder, stay after that person, get even closer to the Telly Line. But psychology tells us otherwise. This often pushes them further away. Now depending on how far removed one is from the Telly Line, there is one option, the other can begin coarse correction by pulling away themselves. This not only restores balance when you move further away, it may also draw your counterpart back closer to the line.

However sometimes in life some are so far removed that their is no coming back. That’s a rare case and when those happen we just have to let that person go. Relationships constantly ebb and flow there’s always a give and take. Knowing that the Telly Line exist can help you when you feel the need for a relationship adjustment. Just don’t go playing games with someone’s heart with this information because such a thing would be truly heartless. Just find the right balance and you’ll have a happy, healthy, loving life together.




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Blowing It Scenario #55-Complete Reliance On Others.

We Have Lost Our Way, We Have Lost Self Reliance.

This day in age we rely on others for practically everything. It is this coddled era that we have excessive amounts learned helplessness. We have someone else drive our cars, make our food, buy our groceries, fix our cars, fix our homes, the list goes on and on. Heck we even rely on others to manufacture our own feelings. Love, hate, envy, are all fabricated emotions within ourselves that we believe are sourced from other people, other things. We have the ability to control all of it yet we continue to tell ourselves the falsehoods that someone or something else made me feel this way.

We tell ourselves the lie that we don’t know how to do something, so we simply don’t even try. Why learn something new when it’s so much simpler and far easier to just have someone else do it for us. What could be wrong with that option? Sure it’s the quick easy fix, void of all dependence on ones self. And maybe you’ll be able to go through life never ever having to do anything for yourself. You’ll rely on your parents to pay your bills, your app to find you love, then your significant other to make you feel your emotions, your uber drivers to get you around town. Worse yet you may simply become fully helpless, a drifter of life, never fully knowing your true potential.

The cure to it all is simply, do the work. Can you imagine how gratifying life would be if we all took a little more initiative and became more self reliant? Well stop imagining it, it is more gratifying to do things for yourself. Rip in your clothes, learn to sew, want a website, build it yourself, hole in your drywall, patch it yourself, breaks worn on your car, replace them yourself, want a new business, create it yourself. Envious of another, better yourself, forget that other, hate someone because of something “they” did to you, learn to forgive and move own. It’s all within you. We can move mountains if we set our minds to the task. When we believe we can and take the necessary actions towards the outcome, the world changes around us. When you become self reliant you quickly realize that you have always had the ability to create this new beautiful world. It was within you, and only you, all along.



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Blowing It Scenario #54-The Con That Allows Full Access To Our Personal Lives.

Why Must We Scarfice Our Intimate Moments For The Right To Use Websites.

I get personal data is somehow as good as gold these days. Sure it may be free to use your favorite app or website but what is the true cost? I’m not sure any study has been made or can be made.

Silently individuals are being destroyed left and right all because a website here or simple app there. All designed to make our lives easier or happier and more well connected. Yet they slowly drive a wedge that pushes us further apart. And while that wedge is being consistently hammered home. Our personal and most initmate details about ourselves are slowly being collected and sold off to the highest bidder or stolen from the best hackers. And we could care less. Why? Because we’re so distracted by these products they created for us. So much so that it’s even difficult to manufacture unifed dissent against it.

We’ll be upset for maybe a day sometimes we can keep the fire for a week. We’ll get on board with the latest hashtag promoting our new found dissonance. Then in a week’s time a new article will come out touting our frustration with you name it. And we’ll turn our attention towards that. Completely disregarding our last crusade to change the world. I know because I write about the new found problems everyday. They will simply fade out favor in due time. And in a distracted world that tends to happen at break neck speeds.

They hurt us more often then not and we often don’t even see it coming most of that time. Loss of credit, loss of insurance, loss of money, loss of loved one’s. This stuff has immense power over us and we casually allow it too. At least now we are becoming more aware of it and can make better consious choices. That doesn’t change the fact that a lot of it is still very addicting. It’s a play right out of the drug dealers handbook. Give the first one away for free and they’ll be hooked for life.



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Blowing It Scenario #53-Sometimes Happiness and Success Are On Opposite Ends Of The Road.

There’s Also Moments In Time When They Are Not Exclusive.

And when that happens, bask in it’s glow. For you are one of the lucky ones. My wife left me yesterday and I feel it might be cathartic to write about it. I did everything I could to try to make her happy. Sometimes at the expense of my own happiness. But it was all going to be worth it. We were going to have a successful marriage. At least that’s what I thought. I was truly willing sacrifice everything, even if that meant my own happiness, just to insure success in our marriage. I quit drinking, went to church on Sundays with her (I’m not a church go’er and never have been), listened better, got a better career for her. One that could support her aspirations and a family. I changed everything about me for her and it still didn’t change our outcome.

My happiness was on the chopping block and I was fine with that. Nothing was more important to me then our future together. Once apart, I immediately realized it was a selfish goal. One that I (key word being “I”) focused intently changing. But sometimes that’s the problem. You can not control another persons emotions. You can change yourself until the cows come home but that does not mean you can change another. And I realized that the moment she walked out the door. Her happiness was more important then the success of our marriage. And the fact that she was unhappy showed me the utter failure of my selfish ambitions. We shouldn’t try to “make” someone else happy. It’s their own emotions to control. What makes you happy and what makes you successful are sometimes on opposite ends of the spectrum, are you willing to give up everything in order to achieve one or the other. They’re not always mutually exclusive. And when they work in tandem, watch out. Life is grand, and you have the world at your feet.

When we first met we were both happy and successful and I took those moment for granted. I thought nothing would ever change. I became compliant and neglectful. Why work when everything was going so well? Success of our relationship began to falter. Then it failed. And when it did, happiness came crashing down with it. So I tried to sacrifice one for the other. A plea bargain was made, I would continue to be unhappy if it meant insuring the success of our marriage. Neither of which worked. Little did I know she was unhappy too. She never talked about it, just harbored this silent resentment. So it was surprising to find out we were both unhappy, which then lead to us both to being unsuccessful in marriage. Only 3 and half years and it was given up on so easily.

I planned my life around this person. And it failed. But my failure is an opportunity to improve. Watch for the warning signs that I was blissfully unaware of. Constantly on their phone, complete disregard for you in each others presents, a new career, close attention to their appearance, loss of weight, avoidance of talking about your future together. That’s just a list of what I’m aware of. There is probably a ton of other things that eluded my perception.

My point is don’t try to be something your not. The person you were when you first met is the person they fell in love with. We change and we grow, sometimes we grow apart. Nothing wrong with that. Just know that it could happen, be cognizant of it, don’t stay blissfully ignorant, don’t be neglectful. Just be authentically you and if that’s not good enough, it simply was never meant to be.



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Blowing It Scenario #52-The Massive Failure Of Parents With Multiple Hate Filled Children

At What Point Do You Arrest The Parents For Crimes Against Humanity That Their Children Carry Out?

I wish there was such a point, their is not. Look, sometime parents just draw the short straw and end up with a nightmare of a child through no fault of their own. Then their are other times when the parents simply created the monster. With their indoctrination of hate filled speech constantly resonating throughout the house. Usually a parent can play it off if they have only the one demon spawn. They’ll say something like, “I didn’t know he was like this, he never displayed this type of animosity before.” Or we did everything we could to raise him right. Other times you know the parents are fully at fault. That seems to be the case in the Roof household.

What kind of psychopath walks into a church of another race, sits down with the fellow church goers, gun in hand, talks briefly with the loving group and then proceeds to kill every single person in the room. Then fast forward to today where the sister of this individual takes to social media to actively insult the same people of the opposite race. Then roots for those people to be shot and killed for walking out of school to protest the very weapon her brother used to ruthlessly, cowardly, unapologetically kill multiple people. Then she is caught with weapons herself.

At what point do we finally point the finger at the parents and say this is your doing? You need to pay for these crimes. It’s really too bad we couldn’t remove those children from that environment long before the damage was done. That’s simply not how the system works. Bad parents go unpunished all the time and their children are left to carry on their hate and unrealized negative potential. If you see a kid struggling, help them, maybe the home they live in isn’t conducive to growth. And just maybe we can catch it before it’s too late. It’s not all a loss for those poor children who grow in such a place. Their are still great teachers and educators out there that care about the kids, even when now one else does. Hopefully they can be a guiding light in those darkest households.



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Blowing It Scenario #51-The Fraud And Failure Of Theranos.

How Is A Company That Has Never Produced a Viable Product, Or Ever Turned a  Profit Worth 9 Billion?

I often wonder how companies are valued at all. It seems this fraud is an often occurrence in the financial markets and with so called unicorns. How can a company go from nothing to billions in valuation. It’s all speculative and with the assistance of media hype you can really add fuel to the fire. Creating a raging dumpster fire. One that will soon flame out with all the investors money. Who like moths to the flame join in when it’s burning brightest.

I wonder can I just tell everyone blowingit.com is worth $40 billion? I Currently own 100% of the shares but would be willing to sell. However that is it’s current valuation. Why, because I say so. Is that how it’s done? Honestly I’m asking because I don’t know. It seems that way to me. Powers that be just roll the dice and bam, snap is a billion dollar company, twitter is a billion dollar company, Theranos, yik yak, jawbone, beepi all valued at hundreds of millions, because someone said so. Many of which have since failed, once the general public wises up to the lies they have been told to believe.

In the instance of Theronos, they not only defrauded their investors, they defrauded their users as well. Which is a much more dangerous prospect. The fact that you are a blood testing company who’s product didn’t even work. Now you have a fraud that not only risks people’s money you risk their health as well. What kind of punishment does one get for such extremes. Not really much of a punishment at all. So the cycle of fraud will continue to live on because their really is zero punishment for it. Heck it often seems like the more you steal, the better off you’ll be. Just a slap on the wrist, and a small fine. I guess the lesson here is, be an embodiment of your word. and make that word honest and forthright, it’s the honorable move. But if you are going to be a fraudulent entity get yourself the highest valuation you possibly can. What’s the worst that can happen? Did I forget to mention blowingit.com is now worth 100 billion dollars?



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Blowing It Scenario #50-Valuing Wants And Needs Equally.

A Failure To Budget And Properly Value An Items Worth.

Is it a want or a need? A question I consistently ask myself when making a new purchase. A question I recommend you ask yourself before any major life decision. I have always been very good at saving. And to properly save, it helps to begin with this question in mind. Saving is just a matter of bringing in more then you are sending out. Many of us want the big immaculate house, the luxury cars, ability to dine at the finest restaurants. The comfort of knowing all our wants and needs will forever be covered. In order to achieve higher aspirations you either must save more or make more.

Some of us may not want any of that but we all know that everyone has essential needs. And those needs are food, clothing, shelter, water and the air we breathe. In survival their is the rule of three. Without air you can only survive about three minutes, without shelter in a harsh environment you can potentially perish within three hours, without water three days, and without food three weeks. These items are the bare essentials. These are our needs, beyond any reasonable forms of these basic items, are where our wants reside. Wants are often socially influenced. Your friend just bought a new car, or house or they remodeled their kitchen and bathroom. Now you feel you need to have a new car, or a new better house. If you can’t find that, surely you’ll feel better if you remodel your current living space. Because the desire to keep up socially is so powerful. Their is a term to this, it’s called keeping up with the Joneses. We have all felt that urge at some point or another. Other then your friends, the media and advertising is another one of the biggest culprits of driving these desires. But I urge you to resist those temptation, it’s all fabricated. You feel the need for more but it’s really just selfish desire. A want masquerading as a need.

We should never ever fund any wants with debt either. You never truly own anything that has been purchased with other peoples money. At least not until those people are paid off. Usually by then your wants have shifted and you have found a new shiny toy that becomes the object of your desire. Sure debt payments may fit your budget at the time but at what cost? Your never free if you owe someone money. It’s a burden that eats a way at you and your savings. Own everything you buy. Buy your with car with cash, pay for travel with cash, pay for all wants in cash, and in doing so you will never live beyond your means. Now a house is a tricky proposition, not many have hundreds of thousands of dollars just lying around and we do need shelter. The question then becomes how much do I really need and can I be satisfied with renting? I always err on the side of caution and minimalism. If your wants and desires drive you into a home where your leveraged to the hilt with mortgage payments. The stress of that payment can do far more damage then settling for something more reasonable. If you want bigger find a way to make more money.

As for clothing, enough to cover your limbs and torso should be sufficient enough. No need for high priced brand names that claim you have more money then your fellow clothes wearing companions. On the subject of water, water is really all you need. High priced lattes and other beverages are simply wants. Granted drinks aren’t going to break the bank and water isn’t necessarily free either but they do add up and it helps to recognize even the smallest expenses have a impact on your psyche, especially when it comes to the last item, food. Food, similar to water doesn’t really have much room for savings, but we can remove the unnecessary excesses we think we need. The chips, the cookies, the soda, all the poor snack foods that don’t add value and usually leave you more hungry in the long run. If you do have bad habits when it comes to food and drink those poor habits may continue into other parts of life, especially when it comes to purchases. Removing them creates a pattern of success that transcends into other areas of your personal growth. Just start with the question, is it a want or a need. If it’s a want, the next question becomes, how can I provide more value in order to afford my desires?



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Blowing It Scenario #49-NFL Players Negotiating Their Own Contracts.

A Failure To Recognize And Value Their Worth To the Fullest Potential.

Their are two sides to this equation. One side is with the player. It’s noble that they have taken full ownership of their body and their business. They have shirked the middle man agent and produced results on their own terms. It’s a real life lesson in self reliance, it’s bold and respectable. On the other side of the equation you have players who sole focus is just the on sport the were meant to play, and they want no other distractions from the talent that was bestowed upon them. So they leave the business side to the professionals, who have trained in this arena for years and who’s talent is to know how to best maximize a players abilities and to seek the highest value for them.

It was recently reported that Richard Sherman formerly of the Seattle Seahawks. Who was recently released from the team because he refused to take less money in a renegotiated contract. Even though he is a bit older and is coming off a season ending injury and a surgery that he is not yet fully healed from. He then went to rival San Francisco 49ers and proceeded to negotiate his own contract, without the assistance of an agent, for way less money. It’s a phenomenal deal for the 49ers and one of only pure potential for Sherman. He has the potential to reach 39 million in three years. Which would be fantastic and it’s a scale he’s accustomed too. However only about 3 million is guaranteed. The rest is performance based.

Now for Sherman this may seem like a win win. He has all the confidence in the world that he will hit every performance target. He is a great player and will probably hit those targets. In the instance he doesn’t though. Taking into account he is an older player who’s body is starting to break down. He completely failed to value into the contracts his most valuable asset to a team in the event of an injury. And that is his ability to read the other team and to coach others on how to best attack the play. Essentially Niners received a free secondary coach with this pick up. One that is coming over from their biggest rivals, who they play at least twice a season. And they got him for pennies should he not be able to perform to the highest of league standards. It’s shrewd negotiating and in my opinion the Niners won big on this.

I think all teams would love to negotiate this kind of performance based contract, if you don’t perform, you don’t get paid. Especially with this caliber of player. The premise seems pretty logical, in a way it’s good for the player too. They never get to let themselves get comfortable and they always stay hungry. But it’s also highly unfair to the player, they are the ones who are sacrificing their body, never fully knowing if the next game or practice will be their last. And if that worst case scenario should happen they should have a safety net in place. Since they will be having to deal with the lingering health issues long after the game has left them. They should be able to maximize their earnings while on any team. Sometimes the best way to do that is to just hire an agent and get paid what you’re actual worth, not just your potential worth.



Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

 

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Blowing It Scenario #48-Drugs-The Catalyst Of Many Failures.

So Many Failures In Life Can Be Linked To Drug Use. Yet So Many Dive Right In Fully Knowing The Harm They Could Be Inflicting.

An article came out recently about a young 21 year old girl who gouged her own eyes out while on meth. The sad thing is this most likely saved her life. Blind now from her actions but she has since quit using drugs. I’m not so certain this positive outcome would have came through less drastic measures. She was just days away from heading to treatment. A treatment she most likely would have left with all the promise of hope that she would be avoiding the perils of drug use in the future. But all to often the drug’s irresistible siren song comes calling and you’re right back where you left off. Actually more often then not, you try to jump in where you left off and this is where over doses happen. You try to smoke, shoot or snort the amounts your custom to and you body hasn’t acclimated to the large doses yet, then bad thing are in store. You don’t go from sea level to the peak of Everest on the same day, it’s a gradual process that got you too the peak before. When racing to the top your body is going to have averse reactions. Sometimes leading to death.

Yet what is this powerful allure that keeps people coming back? Even full well knowing it could be their last time. What makes the mother of 3 shoot up heroin when she knows she may abandon her children through her actions. Either through death or the state. Why would you ever try meth knowing it could make you gouge your own eyes out. The answer lies in the fact that it’s simply a part of human nature that we need to counteract from time to time. Most creatures of earth seek altered states. From the forest dwellers that eat hallucinogenic mushrooms, to elephants that eat fermented fruit to get drunk, cats eating catnip. Heck even children at play will spin themselves in circles chasing that short lived high. One animal will bash itself in the head with a rock to reach altered state. If that last one isn’t a metaphor for drug use I can’t think of one much better. All across the animal kingdom we see these experiences. Creatures just want to feel something out of the ordinary especially when your ordinary seems hopeless or mundane.

I’m all for people doing whatever they so choose to do with they’re own bodies. To steal a line from Ben Harper in a song about smoking weed. Your choice is who you choose to be and if you’re causing no harm then you’re alright with me. The problem with most major drug use, is you’re not causing no harm. The heroin and meth users usually are a major burden to those closest to them and society as a whole. They don’t always carry jobs and when they do they can tend to be short lived. So often times many users need to steal from others or do other illegal activities just to get the money needed to get to their next fix. Right now their is a massive opioid epidemic across the entire U.S. with no end (other then the morgue) in sight. It’s often just a slow suicide once it gets started. It takes tremendous strength and will of the highest character just to get clean and stay clean.  There is hope but you’re going have to give all of yourself. Many are not willing or ready to do such extreme measures. They would rather risk death or blindness then to get and stay clean. So why even start at all?

How do we stop the scourge that is plaguing society? I really don’t have the answer. The best option I think would be to stop it before it ever starts. And not just by telling people don’t do drugs, clearly that doesn’t work. I think it might help deter more people if we use an honest education based system. Instead of saying don’t do drugs we should ask ourselves instead, “what if we like them?” When you ask yourself what if I like these drugs, you come up with a double negative answer. If you like them great, how will you fund this new found habit you’re, so fond of? What does it look like when all your teeth are missing, your face is scabbed up from the incessant picking at it, and eyes gouged out. What does it look like when you’re the town pariah. What does it look like when your parents are crying themselves to sleep at night wondering if you’ll ever come home again. Or your kids are in foster homes. Think of the outcomes prior to use, walk that path in your mind first, and maybe you’ll second guess the decision. Now this is a very extreme version of this thinking. But I use a modified version of it all the time. I ask myself, “what if I like smoking weed?” weed is really no big deal in my eyes, I wouldn’t even classify marijuana as a drug. It has a very low impact on society, as a matter of fact you could argue that it’s a boon for the economy in states that have legalized it. Now, the question is, what if I like it? Then I have the pleasure of wasting money on a new unnecessary habit, that I didn’t have before. It’s not like food or water you don’t need it to survive, so you’re literally burning money to feel good. Some might ask that question and think the benefits outweigh the cost. I can definitely see benefits outweighing cost in this scenario. Which is fine too but it’s still not for me.

Now the flip side to the question of major drug use would be, “what if I don’t like it?” Great, you are one of the lucky few and you can move on with your life knowing you tried something new, that has ruined the lives of many others before you, and you luckily made it out alright. If that’s the case and you don’t like it, wouldn’t it just be best not to roll the dice in the first place?



Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

 

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Blowing It Scenario #47-Profits Over People, A Failure Of Compassion Displayed By Martin Shkreli

Martin Shkreli Sentencing For Fraud Is This Week But His Actions In The Pharmaceutical Industry Echo a Far More Troubling Failure. One That Has Yet To Be Fully Corrected.

Profits over people. All to often these actions take place behind closed doors in board rooms and through creative accounting practices. Never to be seen is the actual face of the individuals who make the rules. In what world do you take life saving drugs and increase their pricing 700%? Apparently it’s common practice. It’s probably one of they most disheartening practices known to man. The kind that makes you question for a second your faith in humanity. It’s tremendously ironic to me that an industry that should be 100% rooted in compassion, could be so callous at times. Think of the compassion one must have to want to develop a cure for another’s ailment. You would think that has got to be one of the most compassionate actions known. Then think company or CEO who in turn sends this wondrous drug out in to the world to be a great use at a fair price. One that may be helping or saving the lives of thousands of people. And after it has proven to help those thousands of users the CEO decides to put their very own clients, the users of their products, into crippling debt, just to stay alive. And for what? Just so a few wealthy individuals can turn a larger profit that year for themselves and their share holders.

I’m all for businesses turning a profit but their is an extent. Their is bad profit and good profit. This actions is the lowest form of dumpster driving profit. At the forefront of all this is Martin Shkreli the CEO, drug price fixer. Who unapologetically rose prices of a common drug from $15 to $700. And in doing so  he shed light on this disgusting display that runs rampant through the entire drug industry, with no regulation in sight. Part of me commends him. Not for his actions, those are incredibly despicable and reprehensible. But for the fact that he didn’t hide behind the board room doors or the spreadsheet. He fully owned his actions, albeit terrible ones. He owned them, even once saying, that his only regret, is he didn’t raise the prices higher.

Now Martin is being sentenced for an act of fraud that happened with a different company altogether. He is not facing any punishment for any of the price gouging he inflicted on every day citizens. That somehow is not a punishable offense, even though it’s a form of theft. He’s facing punishment of hurting the moneyed interest, in a business prior to his price gouging. For some reason that is a worse action that you can take against another, then stealing poor and averages people’s money they use for life saving drugs. This does serve as a lesson still. Usually when you act in ill intent, those actions carry through in all that you do. If you find a business man or women who exuded insolence, selfishness and a general lack of sympathy for others. Chances are that has been their mode of operation for most of their actions throughout life and business. Steer clear of these people they will only take you down or better yet the positive change that takes them down. We can’t always keep them accountable but every once in awhile in life, they just might get back what they gave.



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