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Category: Mindset

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Blowing It Scenario #96-Not Choosing Your Life.

Everything We Do In Life Should Be Our Choice, Set The Bar High And Don’t Let Others Dictate It For You.

Recently someone very near and dear to my heart told me, “I don’t need you, I will never need you, but I will always choose you.” And I thought, what a profound sentiment and one I would never want to change. I have the same exact right and will always chose this person as well.

That is exactly how we should treat life and the people we want in it. Life should be a choice, who your with, what you do, how you do it, why you do it. As I write these words I’m doing so because I choose too. No deadlines, no boss forcing me too, no obligation other than my own personal choice. We are all presented with choices every single day. If we constantly settle or let someone else dictate our life, we are not exercising our right to choose, we are differing it too someone or something else. And when we do, it’s like we’re throwing up the white flag and surrendering, it’s a lost battle and your freedom is the causality. Make the choice to no longer give in.

If you feel as if you are only doing something because you have too, reconsider your possibilities. If you have a job you can’t stand just to pay bills, research alternatives. Start your own business or find something that suits you better. If your with someone who doesn’t seem to like or respect you. Or you can’t be honest with them and you constantly feel like you have to be someone your not. It might be time to make the choice to find someone who will love and respect you for who you are. Not what you do for them. We should always provide those we love with love, attention, support, affection, adventure, trust, honesty, happiness. Those are all free and choices we will always better off choosing. When those fail, it’s fair to choose to move on. But when it’s based on what you provide materially, not who you are, love is manufactured, you only lease it, you will forever be just a tool for someone else’s choices. And the day you no longer provide those materials the other wants is the day it’s over. And it’s a great day when it happens because that person used their choice to no longer be with you. Celebrate the fact that they exercised their free will.

The most sure fire way to avoid problems ahead is to make sure your wants and needs coincide with each others before you set out on a life together. Because when they do it’s a truly magical moment, and you will always choose to provide the absolute best for the other and they’ll be doing the same for you.



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Blowing It Scenario #95-Blaming Others.

Blaming Others For Your Problems, Is The Crutch For The Insecure.

You could be dooming yourself to be forever hopelessly helpless, if you never take accountability for your own actions. Take ownership of your faults just as much as your successes. Blaming others is a powerful crutch, you can place the full weight of all your problems 100% on an other persons shoulders. And in your mind you can be absolved of all the work it takes to make a change because it’s not your fault.

Blame your parents for your poor upbringing and subsequent failures. Blame your children for a life less lived, blame your spouse or significant other for your unhappiness, blame your boss for your nonexistent work life balance. There is and will always be hundreds of people around you to blame but only one of them should carry the load of all of it and that person is you. If you failed to get to work on time that is your fault, not traffic (or in other words blaming the thousands of other people on the road at the same time as you). If you slide back into a poor habit, you are not some victim of circumstances and that is not the fault of other people in your life. You put yourself there, you are the only one who can get yourself out. If you fail to follow through on a promise or plans that is all on you.

This is not to say don’t give credit where credit is do. If you are helped along the way towards successes thank those around you who have assisted you in your progress. For without their help the journey would have been a far bigger struggle.

Just know that wherever you are in life you are winning in that area. If you are lowly and destitute you have won a hard fought battle towards that ultimate goal. If you are wealthy and happy, know that the same holds true for you, you won the race. If your a janitor or professor, homemaker or surgeon, baker or astronaut, you won. That was what you chose to be victorious at. Keep playing the game, if you don’t like the rules or the prizes you have won than change it. You have the power to do so but you will only be successful if you take full ownership of all your outcomes.



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Blowing It Scenario #94-Living In The Past.

Live In The Now.

The past is the past leave it where you found it. For it no longer has any bearings on today. The things you did or what others have done, should not matter on what today’s outcome may be. That’s not to say you shouldn’t use your past to learn and grow from. The past helped to create who you are but it doesn’t define you. What I’m insinuating is, there is no point in ever rehashing what has already been done, especially in order to denigrate your or an others past experiences. Dredging up what has already come and gone is a sure fire way to disappoint.

Not all past experiences are bad ones either. So it should also be said to avoid strictly comparing your current life to better times you once had. Those times have past as well, make new memories today. They’re is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a past memory. It’s when we spend all our time in it and believe their will never be a time quite like that again. That is where we get ourselves into trouble. You run the risk of developing jealousy and contempt for your current life. And than if you make every attempt to rekindle some of the old magic you’ll more often than not end up disappointed. Because anyone and everything from that old scenario has heeded this advice and has already moved on, now your stuck holding the bag. Or in this case a life already lived.

We will go through so many renditions of life. Trying to capture and hang on to just one is a very difficult process and everyone involved must be purvey to your plan, as well as go along with it. We constantly change, we change where we work, we change who we’re with and what relationships we have, we change where we live, we change how we go about our days. It’s futile to think we can just stay complacent in one area. Because once you do, the world has already changed around you. And you be stuck there holding on to a past that is no longer relevant. Lets constantly grow, shed the skin of the old and begin with the new, always start with today in mind. Live for that because its a new dawn, a new you. Create the person you want to be and leave all else where it’s supposed to be. In the past.



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Blowing It Scenario #91-Failing To Utilize Failures.

Some Say The Definition Of Insanity Is Doing The Same Thing Over And Over Again And Expecting Different Results.

Each rendition is a new failure and each time we repeat that same failure, we step a little closer to insanity. The sane thing to do would be to take a step back, reassess the problem and come at it from a new angle, with new techniques to combat the old failures. Each time we fail it give us an incredibly valuable opportunity to learn and grow. And to make progress. It’s a true failure and a shame if we’re not utilizing this for our benefit.

Every time we’re dealt a poor hand or we think the world is against us, we’re failing to see the forest through the trees. We are the ones who put ourselves in these situations, we are the ones to get ourselves out. And if we feel stuck, it’s because we keep doing the same damn thing that got us there in the first place. Change course, and try a new tact. If you are constantly in the same dead end relationships, businesses, career, life path, if you constantly end up back where you started. You are not utilizing failure, you are simply repeating it.

The only way to break the cycle is to scrap the playbook you’ve been using and developing a completely new one. And you have to discover for yourself what that looks like. Ask yourself what does a healthy relationship look like and how do those that have it find it? What does a successful business look like and how did those that achieved it carry themselves? What are the happiest people doing in life and how can I add those action to mine. And when you find your answer, throw away what wasn’t working and adopt these new patterns and habits.

Look, we will all fail, a lot, but if were not looking at those failures and finding new ways to improve upon them we’re throwing away one of the all time greatest gifts to ever be bestowed upon us. Failure is a gift, learn from it, grow out of it, utilize it.



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Blowing It Scenario #87-Setting Goals That Directly Require Someone Else To Accomplish.

Many Goals Can Be Accomplished With Other People Involved But Make Sure They Are Monetary In Nature Or An Exchange In Some Way.

The most important thing to know is, what will you give in order to get back. When goals are completely out of your control and they rely one hundred percent on another individual, wipe them from your list. Those are no longer your goals. Recently I was shifting through goals I had set for myself in years past. On that list, one of those goals glaringly stood out to me. I had accomplished a third of it but nature and another persons body were in control of the rest. Two things that are very much outside of my complete control. You also have to understand that when it comes to an exchange of good and services, even if you’re willing to give someone the world (if it’s yours to give) it does not mean it will be reciprocated. And rightfully so, you should not expect it to be either.

If you are relying on someone else to accomplish your goal, before you set out on it. Make sure your goals align and you are both willing to do whatever it takes to see it through to the end. Don’t fall into my mistake and get half way there and realize the other party involved has different plans or agendas. Most goals do require others but they don’t rely on them one hundred percent and their is always an exchange.

If you want to start a business you must first provide value that someone else needs. If you want to travel you will have to exchange something for that right, usually in our society, it’s monetary value. In order to get those monetary value units, you must give something in return. Be it a service or product that is needed. If you want big things out of life you must give big things in return.

However, for the traveler or the business person also take into account some places in the world are closed to foreigners, so that is something that could fall out of your control. Some business ideas might have zero value to others. And in that instant, once you discover that, it will be time to change course. These are things you will find out when you set out to accomplish most goals. Set them knowing you’re fully in control, be flexible and adjust accordingly along the way. Often they will require others involvement, when they do, you must have an answer of what you’ll give in return.



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Blowing It Scenario #86-Materialism.

When What You Have And What You Own, Are Your Identity, It’s Time To Reassess.

Nothing screams I’m happy like making a new purchase. That new house, new car, and new wardrobe will all add up to potentially make you the happiest person on the planet. The bigger the better right? When is enough ever enough? The answer is never. You constantly hear and see it. Heck it’s what keeps our society functioning.

If you don’t buy the latest gadget or saddle yourself with mountains of debt to fund your next home or adventure, we may just fall into utter disarray. This is an over generalization and that is absolutely not the case but it seems that’s how we treat it. We’ll own amazon prime accounts so we can be guaranteed our purchases arrive squarely on time. We’ll pay a small fortune for cable so we can be entertained at night. We’ll buy a new car in order to have that status symbol. What better way to show others how successful we are. We make no mention of how the bank actually owns the vehicle or home you’re in. And how it’s just on loan until the we can actually finally get the money plus interest to pay them back. But boy it’s sure worth all the monthly payments and slogging through that job you hate just to make ends meet.

Advertising is another big part of materialism. It’s primarily what fuels the tech industry. And what is advertising other then a sales pitch to buy what a business is pitching. I’m not above it. I have advertising throughout these articles. What I’m insinuating is we don’t have to give in to it. These purchases won’t necessarily make you happy or whole. We should buy things with the goal of improvement, if its not helpful or necessary, possibly consider what life will be like if you don’t buy that new toy.

Not all purchases are bad purchases and buying a new house or car can be a wonderful experience. Just try not to tie meaning or identity to it. We tend to think if another has less than us they must be more misfortune than we are. We don’t see when another chooses a life rich in experience and foregoes the materialistic. All we’ll tend see is what they have or what they don’t have and we pass judgement because of that. Get rid of that mind frame. Become a producer not a consumer. Live that rich experiential lifestyle, expect less and possibly buy less and you will receive so much more.

 

 

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Blowing It Scenario #83-Failing To Understand The Power Of Hope.

The Most Powerful Emotion Is One Of Hope.

It has been said that if you put a mouse in a tub of water it will drown within a minute. However if you give a mouse some form of life raft or a considerate life saving hand, before they give up and you save it from it’s inevitable demise. The next time the mouse is placed in the water, this time it will tread water for days in order to save it’s own life. How could this be when mentality before was to give up at the first sign of struggle. The answer is hope.

Hope has the strength to keep you fighting when you think all is lost. Hope is the light on your darkest day. All survivors of  near death tragic events have hope. They’ll play hopeful games with themselves to keep themselves active and in a positive mind frame which usually keeps them alive. Hope is the belief that you will succeed in any endeavor you set out upon. Without hope you would probably give up and metaphorically drown like the mice do, at your first sign of a struggle. Hope for a better tomorrow and constantly work towards it. Give others hope with your helping, potentially lifesaving, hand.

Just like we give everything around us the meaning we choose to give it. The same goes for hope. We can choose to be hopeful in our life, in our relationships, in the world. And than with that hope we can stay active while in that positive frame of mind. Recently a very important person in my life, whom I gave tremendous meaning to, gave me the greatest gift one could ever bestow upon another. That person gave me a sliver of hope about a possible future, I thought was completely closed off. That is really all you need to start building your very own life raft. Every article I write, I hope it one day reaches someone and truly helps them. Every day that we make hopeful progress is another board, another nail, another sail in our life raft. Build your ship of hope so strong and sturdy and you need not worry of ever drowning.



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Blowing It Scenario #77-Believing Change Doesn’t Require Massive Amounts Of Force And Action.

Don’t Be An Action Faker Either.

Someone said to me the other day, that when I was trying to make positive changes in life, that those actions felt so forced. Like that was a bad thing. And I thought to myself, “you’re damn right it felt forced, it was forced.” No changes come without a certain amount of effort. How do you move any stationary object? You apply force to it, the more resistant the object is, the more force is needed. And if you yourself are working on years of poor habitual activities. Your actions will require that much more force to counteract that. You are not, and will not be the same person at the end of the process. You will have to be completely forceful with your new actions day in and day out and it will rub some people the wrong way. But you will be better than before and once you begin the process it will push away those who grew accustomed to your earlier laissez faire attitude.

The most important thing we can do with our time is to take daily positive action towards internal and external improvement. It takes an internal belief it can be done. However that is the easy part. Belief will fade, sometimes as fast as you can dream it up. Belief is often just an action fake. We can’t simply read a great book than believe that we can accomplish anything, and just stop there. We need to make the external actions to our goals and beliefs repetitive. These actions must become our identity, and they must become our new habits. If your working on self improvement and you want to gain copious amounts of new muscle, belief will get you excited, but daily action is what is going to get you through the door and working. If your new identity is one of you being your own boss or an entrepreneur, you better wake up everyday and start working towards that goal first thing. Don’t even worry about trying to get motivated. Just take the necessary actions and your mind will follow.

The best habits we can develop are the ones that make those lives around us better. In Ayn Rand’s seminal book “Atlas Shrugged” she advocates individualism as what sets us apart, only selfish pursuits obtain you the riches you desire. I don’t completely believe this to be true. Their is no such thing as individualism, we don’t live in a vacuum where our actions don’t effect others. What most people gloss over in Ayn’s work is although her characters were selfish in the pursuit of wealth, they really weren’t, they needed to effect millions in order obtain their riches. Every business you ever came across helps someone in some way. That’s the positive daily action we need to strive for, to helps others. And in that “selfish” act of helping others, you help yourself.



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Blowing It Scenario #70-Fear Mongering.

Main Stream News Not Only Sensationalizes The News It Reports, It Creates A Sense Of Fear.

Every single article I came across this morning in the news had an ostentatious sense of fear surrounding it. Let me walk you through a few world ending head lines. West planning on bombing Syria. Fox news reporting the world may end April 23 when planet X passes by. Another article ask the question what if earth climate controlling conveyor belt came to a halt. The list goes on and on. Really almost all news could fall under blowing it. It’s hard to even read the news without getting some form of depressing thoughts bubbling up to the surface, or outright fear.

So often we’ll fall prey to this trap, we’ll develop anger and resentment and we’ll want the powers that be to do something about our new found anger the news has in sighted. Or more often then not, we’ll sit with our misery, only to take it out one the first unsuspecting friend or family member that is willing to engage in the topics. Usually these are topics most of us have very little or absolutely no control over what so ever. What are you going to do about stopping bombs in Syria or halting that fictitious planet from reaching earth? I’ll tell you this much anger isn’t going to help.

Honestly if you don’t read the news to use it for current events, I would recommend steer clear of it all together. We must stand guard at the gateway of our minds and one the best possible way to do that is to is to avoid such negativity, especially early in the morning. Often it can set the tone for the entire day. Avoid it like the plague. I’ve gone through multiple stints where I completely cut out news and I was all the more happier for it. However if you must read the news, I recommend an RSS feed news app that filters out only the news you want to read. Then only put positive filters on that app. Encouraging articles, improvement articles, helpful articles. That way the news you receive will be that of benefit and not purely of misery.



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Blowing It Scenario #69-Our Throw Away Culture.

A Failure Of Happiness, Love, Relationships, You Name It, We Throw It Out.

I seriously can’t believe how much we throw out and we do it at such a velocity with so much ease. I’m not talking about just the weekly garbage pick up either, although we do throw out a lot there too. I’m talking about life in general. We are consistently trained through media, entertainment, and through our friends, and family. The message is constantly bombarded on us through our phones and tablets, that your life might suck and it can be so much better if you just buy this or invest in that. We’re like Pavlov’s dogs trained to salivate at the promise of greener pastures just over the horizon. All the while we fail to truly appreciate what we have.

We tend to love what we have for a brief moment in time and once that moment has faded, we eagerly jump to the next thing that will arouse our fleeting desires. We love our home’s for a few years than we become discontent with it, the floor plan sucks, the bathroom isn’t big enough, we need to redo the kitchen, and after all that’s done, it’s still not enough. So we’ll throw it out and hope to get something better. We’ll find what we think to be the love of our lives and when things don’t go our way, instead of working on it, we’ll throw that relationship out. It’s no wonder we have over a 50% divorce rate. I believe that will continue to increase, like I said we are trained to want more every day. We go on dates and if it’s not absolutely perfect, we’ll throw that potential suitor out. On dating apps you literally practice throwing away real people, in real time. It may not feel that way, you’re just swiping at photo’s, but you are the judge, jury, and executioner and you do it all by judging that book by it’s cover, or in this case a persons face and body. And yet we can’t figure out why these relationships hardly ever work out. Well it’s because before the date has even taken place, you’ve already treated everyone else like garbage people. Casting them out before ever even knowing them. The phones we buy purposeful burn out there own batteries after two years of use. Just so you have to throw that one out and buy a new fancier higher priced one. A tool breaks or an appliance stops working we throw it out with no attempt to repair. We’ll order too much food at dinner and when we’re unable to finish, those extras will find their way to the trash heap. Our clothes get worn or dated, so it’s on to a new wardrobe. Everything has become so easily expendable. It’s obvious why some people are disengaged, dissatisfied and fed up.

There is a lesson on happiness in stoic philosophy that says if you want to be happier, than you simply have to lower your expectations. I believe that to be true in the material world and when relying on others, because others fall outside of our realm of control. I’m not advocating giving up either. In “Flow”the famous work by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi he states that happiness lies in progress, something we fully control within ourselves, too much too fast is not always good from a happiness prospective. It’s much higher stress. You can be a Steve Jobs or a Elon Musk but you’ll have to sacrifice an insane amount to achieve those results, including some happiness. Mihaly says the sweet spot of progress and happiness is getting 4% better and any given productive task. It’s the reason some can stay up all night playing games with others or when building something new and in doing so, you completely lose track of time. It’s because you’re in a state of flow, you are making incrementally improved progress. Challenging yourself to deliberately get a little better each time out. And the rewards are often amazing. It’s the similar to the Kaizen principles where you try to achieve 1% growth with each practice. So continually try to improve yourself and you’re life will automatically improve around you. Just be content with what you have in the process. Life is good, be thankful.



Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.