Mindset Archives - Page 2 of 6

October 28, 2019November 12, 2019

Waiting For Inspiration. Avoiding Failure #227

Inspiration Doesn’t Come In The Waiting. It Comes In The Doing.

You will never be able to sit and wait for inspiration to strike you. Waiting is inspiration’s antithesis. Inspiration fades fast if you do nothing. Wanting helps increase desire. It helps to push you forward to engage in actions directed at achievement.

But wanting also can increase depression and dissatisfaction. You cannot be content and at peace in life if you are also dissatisfied with that life. The two are like oil and water they just don’t mix. However dissatisfaction can be the most powerful motivator. It will push you farther than you ever imagined. The highest achievers among us, are usually the most dissatisfied. But it comes with that high price of when is anything enough?

How Do We Balance That Driving Force Of Dissatisfaction, With Gratitude For The Life We Currently Have, All In Order To Create The Life We Want?

I think the only possibility for this is in isolation.

Isolate the areas you want change in and don’t let it affect the others. Be happy and content with the family you chose but never let the dissatisfaction from possibly the work your currently doing affect that family. Just because you’re dissatisfied in one area of life, doesn’t mean it has to cascade into all areas.

Or we could possibly use a “this/and method.” We can tell ourselves we are grateful for this and we also want that. That way we are only adding to the possibilities. We don’t always have to lose in order to gain.

No matter the possibilities without steady actions. Doing it regularly, even when you don’t feel like it. Inspiration will evaporate. And all that will be left is a list of broken dreams and wants you’re never due to receive.

October 25, 2019October 25, 2019

Neglecting The Third Option Failure #226

There Is Always A Third Option One We Usually Have To Discover On Our Own.

We often think the way to arrive at attainment of certain goals is to follow a linear path towards your destination. Usually this path is limited. Often we tend to follow these well worn trails towards our goals, because they are easy and already mapped out for us.

Yet it doesn’t always conclude in the success you had imagined it would. And in those times when we don’t achieve the outcome we wanted. We’ll sometimes give up because we think we have exhausted our options. Or we’ll start over on the same exact path that didn’t work for us to begin with. Hoping for better results this second time around. We neglect the fact that there is a third option, a door that has endless possibilities because we usually create it for ourselves.

The Fun Part Is We Get To Be Creative With It.

We’re not confined to a set of rules to follow. We make the rules. Not finding the love you want. Scrap the play book. Look for a different type of person. Try different means of meeting people. Stop looking all together. Some times the chase is the problem repelling what you desire. Just think outside the box.

Have lofty goals you haven’t made progress on. Find the third door and work that angle. They won’t see it coming. It’s not always going to be how you envisioned it. You will have to make adjustments especially if what you are doing is not working. Find the weird alternative.

The Third Door

There is a excellent book called The Third Door by Alex Banayan. Where on his quest to interview some of the most successful people of our generation he puts these principles to the test. Often ending where he wanted. But not always how he anticipated it would be. There is always another way in. Learn from your mistakes. And keep working until you find it.

October 15, 2019October 15, 2019

Not Addressing Trauma. Failure #225.

Many Experience Painful Trauma, Usually At A Very Early Age. And The Way It Manifests Itself In Your Life Can Have Profound Consequences. This Is Why It Must Be Addressed.

First and foremost if you have ever experienced any trauma in life and want to confront it. I highly recommend reading “The Body Keeps The Score.” The book although quite heavy at times and highly poignant, is a tremendous resource in recovery. And seeking to repair pass tragedy. It walks you through some of the most extensive traumas one can face and the therapies to help combat it and recover from it.

We’ll discuss some of the possibly life saving techniques in this article. But that book was written by a trauma specialist who has decades of research and work in the field. He is the expert and if you want a deeper understanding I recommend reading it.

It’s written to show how the worst of the worst can still come back from the brink. If you find the stories triggering or too much to bear this article will not delve into the back stories only the therapies. In order to move in the right direction. Just always remember no matter how bad you think you have it. Someone out there probably had it worse and they were able to recover.

Heart Variability Training

One of the best do it yourself therapies that will cost you nothing more then focused time is Heart Variability Training or HRV. This consist of using your breathing to change up your heart rate variances. Which ultimately effects your brain and your entire physiology.

Breathing deep controlled breaths has such a profound effect on the hypothalamus which controls all stimuli and triggers that were exposed too. So much of the lower brain can be manipulated by this easily accessible technique. Start with training you body to maintain 6 deep breaths per minute. My favorite for sleep assistance to get back to sleep when the mind begins to wander. Breath in for 6 seconds, hold for 1, breath out for 8 seconds, hold for 1, repeat that at least 6 times.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

EMDR is an incredible treatment that has profound affects on trauma. More so than just about any drug on the market. When I describe it’s simplicity its mind blowing that this therapy is as effective as it is. Essentially it is waking rapid eye movement therapy.

Rapid eye movement is a necessary part of sleep to repair and strengthen the brain. This treatment takes that physical aspect of sleep and brain repair and applies it to therapy while awake. A therapist while ask you questions relating to your trauma all the while keeping your eyes focused on a quickly moving object. This allows the brain to reprocess traumatic events into manageable acceptance. Usually this therapy takes around 10 sessions to begin to see profound changes.

Acting, Yoga, Massage, And Body Tapping Therapy.

As you get further into breaking down trauma. You begin realize that it is all connected to the body. The body does in fact keep the score and through the body we can work to even that score. A few of those ways are listed above. Acting has proven to have a positive psychological impact. By going through the motions of a healthy confidant individual you begin to take on that persona. Yoga not only helps with body movement it also incorporates controlled breathing which in turn effects your HRV. Massage is similar in affecting and alleviating tension held in certain parts of the body. Tapping Therapy focuses on tapping 9 different acupressure points while restructuring your trauma.

All of these different therapies can be highly trans-formative. Try them all, find one that works best for you. Just remember trauma tends to be cyclical. And usually happens to the young and the helpless. Protect those that can’t protect themselves. Don’t repeat your traumas on other individuals. End the cycles and seek help.

September 19, 2019September 19, 2019

Performance Anxiety #221

Some People Are More Self Conscious Than Others And Deal With An Unrelenting Inner Voice. Which Creates A Mental Struggle Empowering Performance Anxiety.

This can happen in any setting. Public speaking, sexually, conversationally. It happens in sports all the time. Performance anxiety is more about the discomfort of the situation and the pressure put on oneself to be at their utmost best, rather than it being about the outcome. The outcome is just a byproduct of the former. Sure you may stutter in your speech. Or in sexual situations you not be able to perform like the dynamo you wish yourself to be or at all. In sport you may have an enormous lead that is squandered because you got deep into your head.

It’s Not About You, It’s About The Environment You Create.

Maybe you have witnessed someone have performance anxiety. Did you create a more toxic unwelcoming environment? One where you cast blame and shame the other person for not being their best? Did you guilt the other person with some outside culprit that may have no baring on the situation? Just to make yourself feel better.

Or did you create a calm welcoming environment one of acceptance and peace? One in which the outcome matters not. Sure you want a certain outcome. All parties involved want the best possible outcome. But when dealing with someone that has retreated into their head. You need to release expectancy of that outcome, in order to get back into the present. You need to create an environment of comfort, forgiveness and gratitude for the effort at hand. Be thankful just for time this person has given you.

This Goes For All Anxiety Not Just Performance Anxiety.

Never press an anxious person to stop being anxious. Don’t ever chastise or condemn them. Never assume what is causing the anxiety. Just simply find an environment that is best suited for their needs in the moment. Maybe change the subject to a more relaxed free flowing one. Sometime simply just being with them helps. Give comforting touch if they need it and it helps. Move locations, get outside. Offer to try again later with no pressure. In sports they might take a time out or give the player the night off. Something about the stress of the situation is getting to them. Take the pressure off.

It’s all about assisting in quieting that inner voice so the outer performance can come through beautifully. Some need assistance getting there. Be the creator of the positive environments. If anxiety is happening near you often you are creating tension around your environment. Change that environment.

September 10, 2019September 10, 2019

Labeling Narcissist #220

If You Place A Narcissist Label Upon Another. Know That It Makes You A Narcissist Yourself.

Why do you label them a narcissist in the first place? Is it because you are not having “your” needs met? That they pay more attention to themselves then to you? Why do you care about what others do with their own time anyway?

Also know that unless you live in a cave and have renounced all forms of communication and pleasures of life. We all have a tinge of narcissism to our names. Just in me writing these words is proof of that tinge. Of course I want them to be helpful and useful to others first and foremost. But they are my words that I look after and care for. And want the absolute best for them. Call it narcissism, I’m guilty too.

We All Live Out Our Ideals For Self Aggrandizement.

Some do it in a way of attention seeking while others do it in a way of internal discovery. What that looks like on the outside differs from person to person as well.

Some internalize and withdrawal. Some seek attention in whatever form or medium that best reciprocates their sense of affection, some lash out. The child that is not embraced by the village will one day burn it down just to feel its warmth.

We all want to be heard, to have a voice. We all want to be embraced by others. Narcissism may just be a more extreme form of this and it may be due to past trauma. I’d be willing to bet many on the extreme end of the narcissist spectrum. That individual dealt with such neglect early on in life that it mutated into what you see now. That damage is on the parents of that child. Love and embrace your children often.

Love Yourself.

Just don’t be like Narcissus who ended up falling in love with his own reflection and killed himself because his true love wouldn’t materialize. Love what’s looking back at you in the mirror. Just don’t do it to the point where nothing else matters.

September 10, 2019September 10, 2019

Destroying Your Reputation #219.

Reputation Takes A Lifetime To Build But Only Seconds To Destroy.

This has to be one of the most unfair statement in history. Work your whole life for something as important as one’s own reputation. Only to make one false move and it’s gone. Is this more of a preamble to the fact we are less forgiving creatures?

Is this a statement that requires us to walk on eggshells our whole lives? Never rock the boat, never push any ones buttons, Never go against the one you created for yourself.

What Is The Reputation You Want For Yourself?

What if you want to change it later? If you have a bad one, destroying it could be a good thing. All change requires you to refute current reputation. This is truly a conundrum. Do you maintain status quo? Or go against the tides?

What roll does ego play into your decision making? Reputation might be the greatest casualty of the ego.

Does your need to satisfy your ego reflect poorly upon your reputation? Or is your ego so firmly tied to it that you fear you’ll lose attention by neglecting it’s call?

A Brilliant Example.

Has been on display within a professional football player by the name of Antonio Brown. Antonio wore out his welcome with not one but two NFL teams. When his ego dictated his actions, he lashed out.

Talent is one thing but now he has a new reputation as being a disruption and a distraction to the team. A selfish player who only thinks of himself rather than the team. However he can destroy that old belief with becoming a great teammate and thriving within that system.

Honestly I think the saying should be reputation is what you make of it and what others choose to see in you. If you mess up there is always another day or another audience. Time can heal all wounds and everyone forgets given some time. I’ve come to realize reputation takes seconds to create and it can be manipulated however you want it.

August 21, 2019September 4, 2019

Measure What Matters #215.

The Only Way To Make True Progress And Improve Is To Measure What Matters.

In knowing how to get to where you want to go. You must first know where you’ve been and where you are currently. In order to improve and get better you have to measure what matters. To measure the controllables of any given situation with the intention to improve upon them.

If you are an elite athlete you know this concept all to well. Timed races, sleep measurement, dietary effects, optimal heart rates, peak designed uniforms, oxygen intake, muscle mass. The list goes on and on. Each measurement indicative of areas that may be improved upon. But it doesn’t have to be just the elite athlete.

Measure What Matters In Your Relationships.

If you want to improve your relationships. You could think of ways to measure the controllables that you want to improve upon. For instance you and your significant other could have weekly sliding scales. Give each other a one to ten based on factors you deem important to your relationship. Maybe it’s communication, intimacy, and attention, to name a few. At the end of the week you could give each other a score and discuss ways in which you could improve upon those scores. Where you went right as well as where you went wrong.

Time Is The Ultimate Measuring Tool.

How fast you can achieve a goal is still the best form of measurement. How fast did you get your work finished? Did you perform well at that speed or did you need to take more time fixing and editing? Did you create more measurable problems to fix in that time frame? The goal is to achieve quality in a timely fashion.

Peer To Peer Measurement.

We still have many other tools at our disposal. For the aspiring chef its taste. Are your dishes being met with approval. Approval by peers is another major measurement that can be used to improve upon.

But this system is sometimes flawed. If an anonymous person behind a machine gives you a negative review. You have no complete way of telling where specifically you went wrong with this nameless faceless review. Unless they indicate it specifically. Also another slight problem with peer to peer reviews is that there could be a myriad of other uncontrollable factors that could be contributing to their decision. One’s that you don’t know about. Maybe they were having a bad day, maybe the weather or the commute threw them off. This is where volume is our friend, the more reviews the more accurate the measurement. But don’t neglect those one off negative reviews. Because negative reviews are some of the best measurements lessons on improvement.

Measure The Body And Mind.

Want better health? Measure it. It’s quite simple. First pay attention to what your body is telling you. If it’s in pain or you are in poor mental states something you are doing to it is off. Be it dietary or recreational. The best way to change is to measure what matters. Get a step counter, a heart rate monitor, a sleep monitor. Get your blood pressure checked, test your blood. Watch the changes when certain things you ingest change your body’s composition and how it functions. Measure your heart rates for optimal workouts and than measure that against how good you feel.

It’s all about improvement. We can always improve when we establish a base line to progress from. Otherwise we have no clue what to improve upon. We could just be aimlessly shooting at a moving target. No goals and no way of knowing if we’re getting any closer. Measure what matters and be witness to your life improving around you.

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August 17, 2019September 4, 2019

All Or Nothing #214.

All Or Nothing Is A Win Big Or Lose Big Premonition. More So Landing On The Latter.

If you don’t win big, you lose big and there is no avoiding it. When you go in for all or nothing. You literally have one of two option. It’s the idea of either or. Either I win this or I lose this all.

Life shouldn’t be a game of choosing between the two. However, it’s some people’s way of coping. We will decide that if we can’t get everything we want out of a situation. We want nothing to do with that situation. Even if what we’re getting in return is still good. It’s not quite all so we’ll throw it out with the emotional garbage.

It’s the gambler junkie mentality, bet the house and hope to win. If not, we don’t go home because we just lost it to bankruptcy. I believe what would serve us best is replacing the “or” with “and.” I either get this “and” I also get that. Find a way to balance in order to can get a little bit of all and a little bit of nothing. Sure it won’t quite be all that you want but it isn’t quite nothing either.

The Finality Of It All.

The finality of all or nothing leaves you with no other options to build off of. If you can accept re-balancing, you can continue to build. Maybe it’s not quite all of what you originally wanted in the immediate. But at least you still have a foundation work around. Maybe the future house will look a little different when you finally arrive at it. But at you didn’t bulldoze it early on because it wasn’t to your exact specs.

Let’s have our cake “and” eat it too. I know now if someone ever tells me they have an all or nothing mentality. That I’m walking away and leaving that situation at the nothing. Because when you receive all you never want to return to nothing. But sometimes you end up right back where you started, with nothing. Especially if they don’t reach their all or nothing goals.

Try to be adaptable, grow with the important people in your life. Grow with your goals. Accept that some people can’t always be all that you need. But if they’re important to you, take what you can get. And who knows you might still get to where you want to be or some alternative similar. Don’t relegate people and goals to nothingness. Because when you do you diminish the effort it took to try to reach the all down to nothing.

June 29, 2019July 17, 2019

Defeatist Questions #201.

What Does Someone Do Who Doesn’t Want To See You Succeed But Doesn’t Want To Be Obvious About It?

Why they ask you a defeatist line of questioning of course. Trying to get in shape and lose weight. Someone might say to you, “are you sure you’re not losing too much weight too fast?” Start a business and watch those closest too you light you up with fear mongering questioning to defeat your ambition. Are you sure that’s a good idea? How will you pay your bills? What will your family do if you don’t succeed?

Designed To Stifle Growth

They want to stifle your growth with those questions, not help you. It’s an attempt to curb your progress to keep you safely in the dredges along side of them. Because sometimes misery loves company. And maybe it’s not even misery, maybe they think they are protecting the herd by keeping you safe within it’s confines. It may look like they are trying to look out for your own best interest. But anyone with a lick of intelligence has already asked themselves every possible question you could throw at them.

Ask Better Questions

It’s not helpful to ask questions that attempt to pull you down and these people should be called out on their passive aggressive defeatist line of questioning. Tell them to ask better questions, growth minded questions. What if I do succeed? What will I do then? How will your family look? What will your life be like when you hit that goal or that personal weight? Will you feel happier? Healthier? Will you be proud of the person in the mirror? Will you feel in line with who you truly are?

These are all questions that have to be contemplated if your are earnestly planning on reaching your goals. They’re growth oriented and yes they make you think strongly about your future path but they aren’t trying to keep you grounded in the past.

Getting Ahead

One of the last things you want to do is get to your goal and think now what. If you don’t have a proper contingency plan you might just feel like you need to go back and join the herd. Once you hit one milestone its time to plan for the next, and then the next and so on and so forth. Crush poor questioning dead in it’s track and correct those who ask them.

April 2, 2019July 17, 2019

All Of Life’s Problems Can Be Traced Back To One Simple Equation. Expectations Un-met #191.

Happiness Comes When Expectations Are Met Or Exceeded.

Every fight, every break up, every blow out, depression, unhappiness, anger sadness, frustration, everything. All negative emotions can be tied back to that simple equation. Were the expectations you placed met or exceeded? If not, chances are one of the aforementioned emotions befell upon you. And in your frustration, those around you may have payed the price.

We so often don’t see it but we nearly always have some form of expectation placed on any given situation. Child didn’t clean their room like you asked, so yell at them. Spouse didn’t take out the trash or didn’t make dinner. Anger and resentment well up. Now you’re upset with them and the more times they miss the mark on those expectations that you placed upon them the bigger the wedge is driven between you. One of the most sure fire ways to breed resentment is to place expectations on another and if you want to add an intensifier put a timeline on it. If a spouse or significant other leaves you, it’s because the expectations they had for your relationship have not been met.

Where Are Your Expectations Set?

Maybe you even set your own bar too high to begin with, and you’re scrambling to keep up. Which in turn makes you unhappy because you aren’t living up to your own expectations you set upon yourself. Many successful people are often times some of the most unhappy people because their expectation for themselves and their businesses are set so high that if they miss the mark they are a failure in their eyes. Or if they hit the mark they still feel they could have done better. Which there is absolutely nothing wrong with being driven and having high expectations. Just always keep this fact in mind, it could be leading you down a path of pain and misery. Either learn to enjoy the suffering. Or change your ways

If you do have expectations for someone else, high or low, make sure you preset those notions with them, so they can make sure they either attempt live up to them or they can depart from them entirely. Or make sure you have a plan in place in case you don’t meet others expectations. Your financial expectations might be different, your time spent together expectations could wildly out of balance. Your family expectations could not match up. Make sure you communicate these desires. Happiness is simply expectations met or exceeded.

Expecting Too Much From Others.

We all have friends or family who are never on time, always late or they just outright flake on their plans altogether. And we all have the same negative reactions towards them. Let down, upset and sometimes angered. We expect people to follow through on their word. But what if we knew some of our people were that way and we began to expect their excentricities. Those quirks, although rude would never catch us off guard or make us mad again. They would simply be meeting expectations and if they were there and on time they would be exceeding them.

Pain from a death comes from the expectation that person would be alive tomorrow. Yes you will miss them but missing anyone or anything is you expecting to see that something or someone more than you currently are. Losing what you expected to have, love, long life, family, health, friendship. Losing all or any of that can be incredibly painful if it goes away. All parents expect to have happy healthy children and when that expectation doesn’t happen it can have devastating effects on you and your family.

Lessons Learned.

However if you know that all these things are very much possibilities that can happen in life and you begin to accept and expect that. It will drastically soften the blow if anything does go awry. All in all, if you want to be happier, lower your expectations. Once you have those lower expectations, you can than go out and exceed them.