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Category: Mental Health

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Sleep Depravity (Blowing It Scenario #144).

Is This A Dream? Are We All Walking Through Life Half Awake Half Asleep? When We Have Too Much Going On In Life, Sleep Becomes The First Casualty.

As I write this my eyes burn from lack of sleep but not for a lack of effort. The days sometimes get busy and if you’re not careful they can tend to slip away from you. It’s 5 a.m. and if I don’t fall asleep by 8:30 p.m. I can kiss those eight hours goodbye. We often don’t take into account that we’re restless and awake at least one hour throughout the night. So we can’t, say, go to bed at 9, and wake at 5 and assume that we got our necessary sleep requirements. Who has the ability get to bed at these hours anyway?

Most of us have job and other work throughout the day, consider that at least 10 hours out of your day is spent at a job, with commute and lunch break it’s a reasonable assumption, maybe a little less time, maybe a little more, give or take. That leaves you with about 5 waking hours left to yourself and other curricular activities. Not taking into account dinner which can take hours, and if you have kids and they have activities, your time, that measly 5 hours, is now there’s. Maybe you want a little time with your significant other every night those hours add up too. Or if you’re working on building something like a side business or you have a hobby more hours. Maybe you want to get to the gym, the drive there and back adds up, along with the workout itself. Where do you find the time for that? It usually comes at the sacrifice of sleep, long after the children are asleep and the work is complete. So when you want to try to cut out a tiny sliver of time for yourself, you either have none or you’re relegated to slashing those extremely important, highly necessary sleep hours. To add to all this we have our technology that is a constant hindrance not only to our attention but also to our sleep, blasting us all day and into the evening, with alert inducing blue light beams. Light that never fully allows us to produce the much needed melatonin and serotonin necessary to fall asleep.

I have a friend who practically is sleepwalking through life. With a full time job, a wife and three kids who are very active in sports and school, he scarcely has any time to sleep let alone time for himself. Yet this is an incredibly common story in our society. We do not prioritize sleep enough anymore. But we certainly need to start.

Set bed times for everyone in your house hold. Disconnect from technology. Block out distracting light or noise. Have an evening routine that helps you wind down. Do the routine and go to sleep at the same time every evening. Keep the temperature in your room around 65 degrees. Keep the same wake time and if it changes, change up your evening routine as well to accommodate. Use natural aids in only essential situations don’t abuse any sleep remedies. Your body will do it naturally if you just train it too. With enough sleep you’re less irritable, happier, more alert, and more pleasant to be around. So whatever it takes we should get more sleep, we will all be better for it.



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Youthful Premature Maturity (Blowing It Scenario #139).

Kids Are Growing Up And Using Adult Themes Far Earlier Than Ever Before And It’s Not A Good Thing.

I recently read an article where a young boy of nine years old came out to his classmates as gay. He then received everything but support from his class. Children can also be very cruel when they lack understanding and have no remorse. This boy of nine was than ridiculed to the point of suicide. I’ll say it again, only nine years old. It’s incredibly tragic and I feel it’s avoidable.

Maybe it’s just me but I think both sexual orientation and suicide are topics that no nine year should approach that young, and if they do, guide them away from it. I had no idea what gay or straight was when I was that age. And that’s how it should be. Kids should not at all be discussing their own sexual orientation that young. It’s far too heavy of a burden for a child. I get that we all are attracted to others starting at a very young age and sometimes that attraction is to those of the same sex. But it doesn’t make sense to voice it at that age when you are still many years away from seeking a partner. That goes for straight kids as well.

Kids are doing terrible things far before their maturity is there to really know right from wrong. And it’s all due to the information input they are receiving. It’s tragic that a child feels they can’t simply be a child that they need to take on heavier issues. The mother in the case of the boy did what every mother should do, love your child unconditionally. But I feel maybe if the child was better prepared for the cruel outside world that doesn’t love like a mother. He may have not approached such a subject with his peers quite yet. He would have waited for the right time. And yes there is a right time and it’s not nine. You may know then but you are not ready then.

And if you believe that nine is an appropriate age to take on adult themes, than maybe you’ll agree we should also allow nine year olds to have adult responsibilities like drive, vote, smoke, enroll in the military, drink alcohol to their hearts content, work a 40 year hour workweek. But that’s not the case because there are safe guards to protect children and we shouldn’t stop at just government mandates. Your home should always the first and main safe guard to protect children even if that means it’s not what they want to hear.



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Sore Losers (Blowing It Scenario #137).

We All Love To Win, And For Most Of Us That Comes With A Heavy Disdain For Losing. But There Is An Appropriate Way To Win, As Well As An Appropriate Way To Lose.

As the saying goes; show me someone who loves to lose and I’ll show you a loser. That can tend to be an over-generalization of tough pill to swallow. No one enjoys losing but how we handle it is the true mark of a winner or loser. This is not something that is taught very often. Be gratuitous both in victory and in defeat.

For most of my life I thought losing was a disgraceful representation of the fact that I did not do my best in that particuar endeavour. Something to incessantly ruminate over and to continuously berate one’s self as well as sometimes that of your opposition.  It’s a loser pity party to blame those around you or beat yourself up over the loss. You do have to take full accountability of your actions and the loss. But beating yourself up over it and not looking for ways to improve is a true loss.

Losing is simply just a lesson on ways to improve. It does not mean you didn’t try your hardest or do the best you could possibly do. Sometimes you are just outplayed by your opponent and that is a good thing. It means you still have a lot of room to grow, room to improve. It doesn’t always come down to not doing your best, your best may not be good enough in that moment. And in that moment thank your competitor for giving you a gift, the gift of discovery. You now have a new blueprint on finding ways to improve. Maybe you didn’t put in the amount of time and practice you competition did. Maybe you don’t communicate with your team or you’re just not as in sync as your opponents were. There are always ways to improve. Thank your competition in the midst of defeat for showing you those new methods.

Recently at a “Madden” gaming tournament in Jacksonville Florida a lone gun man who had earlier been eliminated from the tournament. Took losing to the ultimate extremes by channeling his aggression for both the loss and I’m sure for life in general. In to attacking and killing fellow players along with himself.  This is truly a disgusting display on every level, not just of how not to lose but how not to live life. Our hearts go out to the victims of this tragedy. It’s a lesson that we can all do more to improve. We all lose when tragedies like this strike. Now that we have lost the question remains how will we use this loss to be better in the future?

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Body Dysmorphia (Blowing It Scenario #133)

Fixating So Intently On Perceived Flaws Throughout Your Body, Is Truly A Losing Battle.

Body dysmorphia is a mental illness that involves an obsessive focus on perceived flaws in ones appearance. Many throughout the years have developed these complexes through advertisement within media. This one has fuller lips, a bigger butt, better breast, prettier eyes, more pronounced check bones, tighter skin, more chiseled abs. The list goes on and on. Fixate on any one of these things and you can send yourself down a rabbit hole of reduced body image to the point where you’re body shamming of yourself as well as others. And when you do that it perpetuates this ceaseless self inflicted harm. Harm that you could control just by accepting yourself as well as others in all our forms. When you create an environment of acceptance, all perceptions blend to create a wholesome view of the world around you. Perception is simply what you make of it. You no longer envy what others have, you are uniquely you, and they are uniquely themselves and it’s a beautiful thing. Life itself is the gift. The grass may sometimes seem greener on the other side. But value your lot higher before assessing others. You might be missing tremendous unseen worth.

Recently a story came out that more and more people were experiencing this phenomenon of body dysmorphia. It came by way of Snapchat filters that can distort your image to look like what one might perceive as better or more attractive. Like they say, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. So individuals are getting plastic surgery in the attempt to look more like their computer generated images. It’s almost like walking into a hall of mirrors and choosing the image that best fits. Completely neglecting the authenticity of their, perfect the way it is, image. Apps are now destroying self image with the click of a button and people are buying into the lie. Don’t fall into this trap. Nor any other form of media that tells you need to be anything other than who you are.  If you are easily influenced and tend to succumb to such pressures of image, avoid these sites all together. Trust me you will be far happier when you’re not worrying about what others may think of you or carrying the load of a distorted view of yourself. Instead let it go. Be happy in your skin.

It’s healthy to want to improve but there are limits to all things, moderation is key. Do it naturally do it organically and don’t base it off false perceptions of yourself and or others. Lastly as a disclaimer, those who truly have issues they need to repair on their body. This does not pertain to you. Fix what needs fixing. It’s the superficial flaws I discuss here.

 



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Blowing It Scenario #102-Enabling Others To Be Helpless.

We Often Think We’re Helping Others By Giving Them What They Want Or Think They Need But Not Allowing Them To Do It For Themselves Often Hurts Them More Then It Helps.

A 30 year old man in upstate New York had to be summoned to court by his parents this week. Because they had already served him multiple eviction notices which he disregarded and continued to stay in their home rent free. Good for the parents finally taking action to set this man child free. However it’s about a decade too late and how do you think he learned this behavior in the first place?

We live in an era when we are constantly enabled by our parents, our technology, and by those closest to us. We learn how to be helpless. If you are given everything through out your life, do you think you will ever develop necessary skills or the belief that you have to work for these things? No, you’ll just go on believing that everything should be handed to you. You won’t see that someone does in fact have to work to pay for your existence. You do others a disservice if you are constantly giving them money, or food, clothing, and shelter. Yes a loving parent will always take care of their child. But at some point, say when the child reaches an age of self sufficiency, which ultimately should be around their teenage years. You have to begin to apply some tough love. Make them work for what they have, charge them rent, show them what the real world is like. Do it gradually at first and show them how it’s for their own best interest. Because if you wait too long, it may just turn into a debilitating phobia. One that will see constant struggle throughout life because they were never given the tools to live outside the bubble you built for them.

Recently this happened in my home state. The police were called into evict a man in his 50’s who had been living in this home with his mom his whole life. She had passed and the father wanted the son out of the house. He had a large cache of weapons he had collected over the years and when the swat team came to evict the man. He killed himself but not before setting fire to the house first. The man would rather die and burn down his only sanctuary then have to participate in the real world. This is an extreme example but this is how the man was raised. We’ll call it extreme learned helplessness. It’s the same thing that happens with addicts. We give into their request so often, thinking we’re helping them but ultimately we hurt their chances of improving. If we provide them with everything they request or we think they need, they don’t have to put any effort in to achieving anything for themselves. This applies especially to money. However if they need help for recovery, do it, but keep tight capital controls on the funds and make sure it’s strictly going to where it’s best suited for that.

Really we should all do our part to be self reliant and help those around us to do the same. We help others by guiding them, first to self sufficiency, then to self reliance, ultimately putting them on the path to self mastery. Where they can, in turn, guide the next group of individuals.



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Blowing It Scenario #99-Selfish Acts.

Imagine If We Changed The Name Self Help Industry To “Other’s Help” Instead And We Focused On Improving The Lives Of Others, How Much More Beneficial And Further Reaching That Would Be.

Not that their is anything wrong with self help but when we stop at just the self we aren’t really improving anything around us. We put so much time, energy and money into self help but the crux of the matter is when you’re just helping yourself you’re neglecting everything else. You have to realize that those in the self help industry are successful because they’re applying the very principles of other’s help by trying to help you improve. Those in need of self improvement will be far better off if they just apply their efforts to helping just one other individual. Because that self improvement must see the light of day and must be payed forward for it to have any real impact on your life.

If we simply end at just the self, we can develop a selfish attitude towards the world around us. Once we’re in a selfish state we’ll think what’s mine is mine, screw everyone else. We’ll see others as selfish individuals who leach from society we’ll act out in negative ways to hold on to what we think is ours and that doing our part to help our fellow man is beyond us. It should be left to those who have more. This line of thinking is completely flawed and has no bearings in our culture.

We could think of work as helping others and not just a paycheck. We could do rewarding work that does in fact help others. We could think of the payments we give others as helping another individual in some way. We could donate our time, money and energy to helping others in need. Because when we do, each small act of kindness tends to have a multiplier effect (selfless good begets more selfless good) and the magnitude can sometimes be felt around the world. We may not see the effects all the time but trust me they are there. And they are working and the results can be ever lasting.

Nothing great was ever built alone it takes so many helping hands along the way. Their is absolutely no such thing as self made, banish that idea from your mind. In order to just be on this earth it took two parents to create you. In order to survive past childhood multiple selfless people took care of you and fed you. When you hear the word self made you conjure images that they did it all alone that absolutely no one helped along the way.  We are always in some way going to be reliant of others, albeit someone to purchase your goods and services or to supply them. Be self reliant as much as humanly possible but also know everyone needs help from time to time. Give it more than you get it and the world will change for the better around you.



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Blowing It Scenario #92-Believing Arguments Are Healthy For A Relationship.

Arguments Are Simply Two Wills Unrelenting.

Communication is key. And not some failed attempt to communicate through sheer force of will. An argument is an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one. Yet, I’ve heard this statement a thousand times. People will say, “it’s healthy to argue in a relationship, you should only worry when the arguing stops and your no longer fighting.” I think this line of thinking is that of the truly unhealthy relationships. They say misery loves company and maybe that’s why people will stress that fact that arguments are healthy for a relationship. Arguments always must have a readily available counterpart. And if it’s not there, they’ll happily move on to the next unsuspecting victims. Don’t always give in to the temptation to fight and you be able to avoid some of the pitfalls. Because arguments tend to end relationship faster and with more ferocity than any other form of interaction. And all it takes is just one. One poorly placed word or phrase released in the heat of the moment can send the entire house of cards crumbling down.

Healthy communication is what we should strive for. Talk out your similarities and difference long before you even get to the point of a heated debate. Work to open those lines first. And you’ll be well on your way to a healthy happy relationship.

Arguments still do happen though, and if you get to an argument that continues to escalate, you may find yourself in a moment where you may have to relent to protect the greater good. Disagreements are fine, they’re completely natural and healthy. We can’t all agree all the time but its when taken beyond the realm of sound conversation and into the chasms of argumentative anquish where you’ll see the real problems arise. It should be avoided if possible.

However maybe you have stronger foundations built over time and now you use arguments to display passion. Nothing wrong with that, if you are both on the same page with it. I guarantee in order to get to those strong foundations you had to have a deeper level of communication in the beginning. But if it happens all the time, I recommend getting back to your roots, finding why you began the relationship in the first place and get yourself back to those foundations once again. Otherwise you could be setting yourself up for defeat.



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Blowing It Scenario #84-Guru And Hero Worship.

Don’t Be A Follower.

Be your own guru, your own hero. Make your path righteous but not cause your told to by another individual. Do it out of your own free will. A lot of news stories have recently come out about sex cults and other gurus. Multiple documentaries about cults have been released on Netflix. A former celebrity has been recruiting sex slaves for for her cult leader. A religious guru in India was sentenced to life for having sex with a sixteen year old. This guru apparently had millions of followers. Also it should be stated, when I say be your own guru, that’s not to say start a cult either. Most leaders are one part psychopath, one part sociopath, and the rest pure narcissist. It’s all built for their own self-aggrandizement. It seems so many want to be the sheep, following the heard to the slaughter house, no questions asked along the route.

Before fully committing to anything we should be asking those tough questions. Where is this leading me? What do others stand to gain from my participation? How did this group come to be? Why do people leave? What are the negatives? What is the leaders back ground? Where did they come from? Are they pedophiles? Do they want my body for purposes beyond a helpful hand? How much money do they want from me? How much of me do they truly want? If it’s all of you, run in the other direction. Some of these cults can have very serious and disastrous endings. Heavens Gate, The people’s temple. Hundreds, and in some cases throughout history, thousands have committed suicide because their leader instructed them to. Or worse, inflicted acts of violence, maimed or killed others in the name of their leader.

Most religions are pure of heart and usually have only the highest intentions for themselves and others. They are mostly based off the same set of principles just told through a different lens. Those principle when applied can be very constructive and good for the world around you. However peace can sometimes a casualty to the greater statement of, I am right and you are wrong.

Their is absolutely nothing wrong with following a religion, you get a sense of community, of family, of love. You feel as if you have hundreds, if not thousands, and in some case millions of other people are in this with you and they all have your back. You feel closer to your god. And that, I imagine, is the exact same draw to cults. A strong sense of family, as if something was missing in your life and now you found a home in this new community. Which if you feel that is necessary in your life and you are causing no harm to others and your not neglecting true family or passing judgment on others who are not following your path, than by all means join up.

We’re taught from a very early age the system of the sheep, we’re told to stay within the lines, we play games like follow the leader. There is a very specific path and system engineered for us and we told we must follow it in order to do right by the worlds standards. A perfectly choreographed dance of, go to school, go to college, get a job, get a spouse, get a house, have kids, save money, grow old and die. Rinse and repeat. Just stay within the lines and you’ll be fine. It’s all a load of crap that we’ve all bought into. It’s funny how often you will get reprimanded by others when you don’t follow this path. Break free of this control, be your own guru to yourself. Follow your own compass, don’t give someone else that level of meaning in your life. Don’t give someone or some entity all your power. Control what you can control and be good to others.



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Blowing It Scenario #82-Too Much Screen Time.

The Belief That Interacting With a Screen Is The Same As Interacting With An Individual.

Now I’m sure most of us don’t assume this to be true, but it is how we treat most of our lives. Screens have become our intermediary to the world. From texting on our phone to social media to email. We are not having conversations with other people we are having conversations with ourselves which are directed at another and facilitated through a third party. In most cases this is our computer, phone, or tablet. As I’m writing this I’m not having a conversation with you, it’s a conversation with myself that I hope you eventually read and respond to. I’d prefer to have this conversation in person but this has a much farther reaching potential. And that is why we use this third party we call a computer.

It is what drew us to the siren song of computers and the internet in the first place. The ability to interact with millions if not billions of individuals all around the world with just some text, video, or audio, all at your finger tips with just the click of a button. We are losing our ability to communicate with others without having our intermediary devices. Our computers, phones and tablets have become our side kick, wing man, and crutch. Many now freeze up and cower at the first sign that they will have to talk in person with another individual. It’s no surprise so many claim to have social anxiety. We literally reinforce that belief with every single text or email we send. We are saying we would much rather interact through this device then have to talk person to person.

Often its the most convenient form of communication. You can send an email and the receiver can check it at their earliest convenience. But hopefully you are using it as the tool it is. And you working towards obtaining future communication in person or at the very least over the phone. Because that is what these devices were meant to be. Simply a tool to advance society and share information. Not to aggrandize our vanity or flock to our hovel only to hide behind our screen to denigrate others. It’s tool intended to better humanity, we must use it for that purpose, all else is just complicating our lives.

Further more a concern we should keep an eye on, is chat bots are becoming more and more advanced by the day. Soon you may not ever be chatting to another human on the the other end. We won’t even have to communicate with another if we don’t want to. The days of asking a friend, parent or loved one an answer to a question are already fast becoming obsolete. Why ask when you have Google, Siri, and Alexa? I’m not saying it’s all bad but like with anything that can become addictive, practicing moderation is paramount in order to not fall into the abyss. When it’s sheer terror to you to have to interact with another, it’s time to put down the device and practice relationship skills again. Oh and while your at it, call your mom more too.



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