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Category: Life

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Blowing It Scenario #95-Blaming Others.

Blaming Others For Your Problems, Is The Crutch For The Insecure.

You could be dooming yourself to be forever hopelessly helpless, if you never take accountability for your own actions. Take ownership of your faults just as much as your successes. Blaming others is a powerful crutch, you can place the full weight of all your problems 100% on an other persons shoulders. And in your mind you can be absolved of all the work it takes to make a change because it’s not your fault.

Blame your parents for your poor upbringing and subsequent failures. Blame your children for a life less lived, blame your spouse or significant other for your unhappiness, blame your boss for your nonexistent work life balance. There is and will always be hundreds of people around you to blame but only one of them should carry the load of all of it and that person is you. If you failed to get to work on time that is your fault, not traffic (or in other words blaming the thousands of other people on the road at the same time as you). If you slide back into a poor habit, you are not some victim of circumstances and that is not the fault of other people in your life. You put yourself there, you are the only one who can get yourself out. If you fail to follow through on a promise or plans that is all on you.

This is not to say don’t give credit where credit is do. If you are helped along the way towards successes thank those around you who have assisted you in your progress. For without their help the journey would have been a far bigger struggle.

Just know that wherever you are in life you are winning in that area. If you are lowly and destitute you have won a hard fought battle towards that ultimate goal. If you are wealthy and happy, know that the same holds true for you, you won the race. If your a janitor or professor, homemaker or surgeon, baker or astronaut, you won. That was what you chose to be victorious at. Keep playing the game, if you don’t like the rules or the prizes you have won than change it. You have the power to do so but you will only be successful if you take full ownership of all your outcomes.



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Blowing It Scenario #94-Living In The Past.

Live In The Now.

The past is the past leave it where you found it. For it no longer has any bearings on today. The things you did or what others have done, should not matter on what today’s outcome may be. That’s not to say you shouldn’t use your past to learn and grow from. The past helped to create who you are but it doesn’t define you. What I’m insinuating is, there is no point in ever rehashing what has already been done, especially in order to denigrate your or an others past experiences. Dredging up what has already come and gone is a sure fire way to disappoint.

Not all past experiences are bad ones either. So it should also be said to avoid strictly comparing your current life to better times you once had. Those times have past as well, make new memories today. They’re is absolutely nothing wrong with enjoying a past memory. It’s when we spend all our time in it and believe their will never be a time quite like that again. That is where we get ourselves into trouble. You run the risk of developing jealousy and contempt for your current life. And than if you make every attempt to rekindle some of the old magic you’ll more often than not end up disappointed. Because anyone and everything from that old scenario has heeded this advice and has already moved on, now your stuck holding the bag. Or in this case a life already lived.

We will go through so many renditions of life. Trying to capture and hang on to just one is a very difficult process and everyone involved must be purvey to your plan, as well as go along with it. We constantly change, we change where we work, we change who we’re with and what relationships we have, we change where we live, we change how we go about our days. It’s futile to think we can just stay complacent in one area. Because once you do, the world has already changed around you. And you be stuck there holding on to a past that is no longer relevant. Lets constantly grow, shed the skin of the old and begin with the new, always start with today in mind. Live for that because its a new dawn, a new you. Create the person you want to be and leave all else where it’s supposed to be. In the past.



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Blowing It Scenario #92-Believing Arguments Are Healthy For A Relationship.

Arguments Are Simply Two Wills Unrelenting.

Communication is key. And not some failed attempt to communicate through sheer force of will. An argument is an exchange of diverging or opposite views, typically a heated or angry one. Yet, I’ve heard this statement a thousand times. People will say, “it’s healthy to argue in a relationship, you should only worry when the arguing stops and your no longer fighting.” I think this line of thinking is that of the truly unhealthy relationships. They say misery loves company and maybe that’s why people will stress that fact that arguments are healthy for a relationship. Arguments always must have a readily available counterpart. And if it’s not there, they’ll happily move on to the next unsuspecting victims. Don’t always give in to the temptation to fight and you be able to avoid some of the pitfalls. Because arguments tend to end relationship faster and with more ferocity than any other form of interaction. And all it takes is just one. One poorly placed word or phrase released in the heat of the moment can send the entire house of cards crumbling down.

Healthy communication is what we should strive for. Talk out your similarities and difference long before you even get to the point of a heated debate. Work to open those lines first. And you’ll be well on your way to a healthy happy relationship.

Arguments still do happen though, and if you get to an argument that continues to escalate, you may find yourself in a moment where you may have to relent to protect the greater good. Disagreements are fine, they’re completely natural and healthy. We can’t all agree all the time but its when taken beyond the realm of sound conversation and into the chasms of argumentative anquish where you’ll see the real problems arise. It should be avoided if possible.

However maybe you have stronger foundations built over time and now you use arguments to display passion. Nothing wrong with that, if you are both on the same page with it. I guarantee in order to get to those strong foundations you had to have a deeper level of communication in the beginning. But if it happens all the time, I recommend getting back to your roots, finding why you began the relationship in the first place and get yourself back to those foundations once again. Otherwise you could be setting yourself up for defeat.



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Blowing It Scenario #91-Failing To Utilize Failures.

Some Say The Definition Of Insanity Is Doing The Same Thing Over And Over Again And Expecting Different Results.

Each rendition is a new failure and each time we repeat that same failure, we step a little closer to insanity. The sane thing to do would be to take a step back, reassess the problem and come at it from a new angle, with new techniques to combat the old failures. Each time we fail it give us an incredibly valuable opportunity to learn and grow. And to make progress. It’s a true failure and a shame if we’re not utilizing this for our benefit.

Every time we’re dealt a poor hand or we think the world is against us, we’re failing to see the forest through the trees. We are the ones who put ourselves in these situations, we are the ones to get ourselves out. And if we feel stuck, it’s because we keep doing the same damn thing that got us there in the first place. Change course, and try a new tact. If you are constantly in the same dead end relationships, businesses, career, life path, if you constantly end up back where you started. You are not utilizing failure, you are simply repeating it.

The only way to break the cycle is to scrap the playbook you’ve been using and developing a completely new one. And you have to discover for yourself what that looks like. Ask yourself what does a healthy relationship look like and how do those that have it find it? What does a successful business look like and how did those that achieved it carry themselves? What are the happiest people doing in life and how can I add those action to mine. And when you find your answer, throw away what wasn’t working and adopt these new patterns and habits.

Look, we will all fail, a lot, but if were not looking at those failures and finding new ways to improve upon them we’re throwing away one of the all time greatest gifts to ever be bestowed upon us. Failure is a gift, learn from it, grow out of it, utilize it.



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Blowing It Scenario #87-Setting Goals That Directly Require Someone Else To Accomplish.

Many Goals Can Be Accomplished With Other People Involved But Make Sure They Are Monetary In Nature Or An Exchange In Some Way.

The most important thing to know is, what will you give in order to get back. When goals are completely out of your control and they rely one hundred percent on another individual, wipe them from your list. Those are no longer your goals. Recently I was shifting through goals I had set for myself in years past. On that list, one of those goals glaringly stood out to me. I had accomplished a third of it but nature and another persons body were in control of the rest. Two things that are very much outside of my complete control. You also have to understand that when it comes to an exchange of good and services, even if you’re willing to give someone the world (if it’s yours to give) it does not mean it will be reciprocated. And rightfully so, you should not expect it to be either.

If you are relying on someone else to accomplish your goal, before you set out on it. Make sure your goals align and you are both willing to do whatever it takes to see it through to the end. Don’t fall into my mistake and get half way there and realize the other party involved has different plans or agendas. Most goals do require others but they don’t rely on them one hundred percent and their is always an exchange.

If you want to start a business you must first provide value that someone else needs. If you want to travel you will have to exchange something for that right, usually in our society, it’s monetary value. In order to get those monetary value units, you must give something in return. Be it a service or product that is needed. If you want big things out of life you must give big things in return.

However, for the traveler or the business person also take into account some places in the world are closed to foreigners, so that is something that could fall out of your control. Some business ideas might have zero value to others. And in that instant, once you discover that, it will be time to change course. These are things you will find out when you set out to accomplish most goals. Set them knowing you’re fully in control, be flexible and adjust accordingly along the way. Often they will require others involvement, when they do, you must have an answer of what you’ll give in return.



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Blowing It Scenario #86-Materialism.

When What You Have And What You Own, Are Your Identity, It’s Time To Reassess.

Nothing screams I’m happy like making a new purchase. That new house, new car, and new wardrobe will all add up to potentially make you the happiest person on the planet. The bigger the better right? When is enough ever enough? The answer is never. You constantly hear and see it. Heck it’s what keeps our society functioning.

If you don’t buy the latest gadget or saddle yourself with mountains of debt to fund your next home or adventure, we may just fall into utter disarray. This is an over generalization and that is absolutely not the case but it seems that’s how we treat it. We’ll own amazon prime accounts so we can be guaranteed our purchases arrive squarely on time. We’ll pay a small fortune for cable so we can be entertained at night. We’ll buy a new car in order to have that status symbol. What better way to show others how successful we are. We make no mention of how the bank actually owns the vehicle or home you’re in. And how it’s just on loan until the we can actually finally get the money plus interest to pay them back. But boy it’s sure worth all the monthly payments and slogging through that job you hate just to make ends meet.

Advertising is another big part of materialism. It’s primarily what fuels the tech industry. And what is advertising other then a sales pitch to buy what a business is pitching. I’m not above it. I have advertising throughout these articles. What I’m insinuating is we don’t have to give in to it. These purchases won’t necessarily make you happy or whole. We should buy things with the goal of improvement, if its not helpful or necessary, possibly consider what life will be like if you don’t buy that new toy.

Not all purchases are bad purchases and buying a new house or car can be a wonderful experience. Just try not to tie meaning or identity to it. We tend to think if another has less than us they must be more misfortune than we are. We don’t see when another chooses a life rich in experience and foregoes the materialistic. All we’ll tend see is what they have or what they don’t have and we pass judgement because of that. Get rid of that mind frame. Become a producer not a consumer. Live that rich experiential lifestyle, expect less and possibly buy less and you will receive so much more.

 

 

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Blowing It Scenario #85-Compromising.

A Compromise Is A Lose Lose Situation.

In order to understand this argument you must understand the context. The definition of a compromise is, an agreement or a settlement of a dispute that is reached by each side making concessions. Remember those last few words each side making concessions. We often think of a compromise as a win win. We’ll make a halfhearted attempt to hopefully satisfy our counterparts request at our own expense. Partially given up something we want, while they partially give up the full sum of what they’re asking for. In doing so, we both compromise, and now we think everyone is happy. But that line of thinking is just simply wrong. Both parties just lost. Neither you or your counterpart fully got what you wanted. So in order to reach a compromise both parties must give up something. They have to sacrifice what they truly wanted for a much lessor and often worse outcome. This situation can easily cause resentment to build from one or both parties. Especially when you constantly feel like you’re losing.

Fully given in to another individual’s request or having another person fully give in to yours, is no compromise either. However that is at least a win lose proposition. Which at least one person comes out the victor. This is far better than both parties losing. Yet this is how we operate throughout most of our lives. We’ll compromise happiness for a paycheck. In order to get that paycheck, we’ll compromise what we truly want to do in life. We’ll compromise our standards if another shows the slightest bit of interest in us. We’ll compromise where we live, what we do, who we’re with, what we buy, how we eat, all for this ever elusive sense of a win win proposition. It’s just simply doesn’t exist.

We need to start negotiating our wins. Do the work you want, live where you want and how you want to live. Find a person who shares the same values as you and who will support you no matter what and will not try to change you. Because a clear sign of wanting different things out of life is how often the two of you have to make compromises. If it’s constant, than you both are constantly fighting a losing battle. And in battle when a location is compromised it’s time to get the hell out of there. Same thing goes in the real world, when you are consistently being compromised, you just might want to ask yourself if it’s your time to get the hell out.


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Blowing It Scenario #84-Guru And Hero Worship.

Don’t Be A Follower.

Be your own guru, your own hero. Make your path righteous but not cause your told to by another individual. Do it out of your own free will. A lot of news stories have recently come out about sex cults and other gurus. Multiple documentaries about cults have been released on Netflix. A former celebrity has been recruiting sex slaves for for her cult leader. A religious guru in India was sentenced to life for having sex with a sixteen year old. This guru apparently had millions of followers. Also it should be stated, when I say be your own guru, that’s not to say start a cult either. Most leaders are one part psychopath, one part sociopath, and the rest pure narcissist. It’s all built for their own self-aggrandizement. It seems so many want to be the sheep, following the heard to the slaughter house, no questions asked along the route.

Before fully committing to anything we should be asking those tough questions. Where is this leading me? What do others stand to gain from my participation? How did this group come to be? Why do people leave? What are the negatives? What is the leaders back ground? Where did they come from? Are they pedophiles? Do they want my body for purposes beyond a helpful hand? How much money do they want from me? How much of me do they truly want? If it’s all of you, run in the other direction. Some of these cults can have very serious and disastrous endings. Heavens Gate, The people’s temple. Hundreds, and in some cases throughout history, thousands have committed suicide because their leader instructed them to. Or worse, inflicted acts of violence, maimed or killed others in the name of their leader.

Most religions are pure of heart and usually have only the highest intentions for themselves and others. They are mostly based off the same set of principles just told through a different lens. Those principle when applied can be very constructive and good for the world around you. However peace can sometimes a casualty to the greater statement of, I am right and you are wrong.

Their is absolutely nothing wrong with following a religion, you get a sense of community, of family, of love. You feel as if you have hundreds, if not thousands, and in some case millions of other people are in this with you and they all have your back. You feel closer to your god. And that, I imagine, is the exact same draw to cults. A strong sense of family, as if something was missing in your life and now you found a home in this new community. Which if you feel that is necessary in your life and you are causing no harm to others and your not neglecting true family or passing judgment on others who are not following your path, than by all means join up.

We’re taught from a very early age the system of the sheep, we’re told to stay within the lines, we play games like follow the leader. There is a very specific path and system engineered for us and we told we must follow it in order to do right by the worlds standards. A perfectly choreographed dance of, go to school, go to college, get a job, get a spouse, get a house, have kids, save money, grow old and die. Rinse and repeat. Just stay within the lines and you’ll be fine. It’s all a load of crap that we’ve all bought into. It’s funny how often you will get reprimanded by others when you don’t follow this path. Break free of this control, be your own guru to yourself. Follow your own compass, don’t give someone else that level of meaning in your life. Don’t give someone or some entity all your power. Control what you can control and be good to others.



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Blowing It Scenario #83-Failing To Understand The Power Of Hope.

The Most Powerful Emotion Is One Of Hope.

It has been said that if you put a mouse in a tub of water it will drown within a minute. However if you give a mouse some form of life raft or a considerate life saving hand, before they give up and you save it from it’s inevitable demise. The next time the mouse is placed in the water, this time it will tread water for days in order to save it’s own life. How could this be when mentality before was to give up at the first sign of struggle. The answer is hope.

Hope has the strength to keep you fighting when you think all is lost. Hope is the light on your darkest day. All survivors of  near death tragic events have hope. They’ll play hopeful games with themselves to keep themselves active and in a positive mind frame which usually keeps them alive. Hope is the belief that you will succeed in any endeavor you set out upon. Without hope you would probably give up and metaphorically drown like the mice do, at your first sign of a struggle. Hope for a better tomorrow and constantly work towards it. Give others hope with your helping, potentially lifesaving, hand.

Just like we give everything around us the meaning we choose to give it. The same goes for hope. We can choose to be hopeful in our life, in our relationships, in the world. And than with that hope we can stay active while in that positive frame of mind. Recently a very important person in my life, whom I gave tremendous meaning to, gave me the greatest gift one could ever bestow upon another. That person gave me a sliver of hope about a possible future, I thought was completely closed off. That is really all you need to start building your very own life raft. Every article I write, I hope it one day reaches someone and truly helps them. Every day that we make hopeful progress is another board, another nail, another sail in our life raft. Build your ship of hope so strong and sturdy and you need not worry of ever drowning.



Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

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Blowing It Scenario #78-Freedom Of Speech Ceases When Money Is On The Line.

Freedom Of Speech Is Part Of The Constitution But Not Necessarily A Good Thing When Practiced In Business.

It could end up being the catalyst to set your entire world crumbling down. Recently, soon after the passing of the former first lady Barbara Bush, a Fresno State professor tweeted a message calling the former first lady and first mother a racist saying “Barbara Bush was a generous and smart and amazing racist who, along with her husband, raised a war criminal. F*** outta here with your nice words,” and concluded with “I’m happy the witch is dead. Can’t wait for the rest of her family to fall to their demise the way 1.5 million Iraqis have.” This professor has every right in the world to say this and I’ll defend everyone’s right to do the same. This whole website is an act of free speech. We exercise these rights daily.

However in this case, this is quite the tasteless act. It’s this spit on the grave mentality, that’s slightly appalling. Respect those who are mourning the loss, any loss for that matter, respect the recently deceased.  How is this women who made these remarks even a professor? Is she a professor in hate speak? I do understand her frustrations though, the bush family were not saints. But their is a time and a place for venting those frustrations and right after a death is not the best time. That is unless you are trying to draw negative publicity to yourself and your business you operate under. Now donors of Fresno State are considering no longer making contributions to the school. Money will force the school to act counterintuitive to freedom of speech.

That is often the case in our society we vote with our dollars. The brands you buy, the institutions you donate to, the businesses you frequent, are all votes with your dollars. It will be interesting to see how Fresno State handles this situation since some of their voters are voting against this professor by withholding their checkbooks. Yet the professor has tenure so the school will be between a rock and a hard place. Another risky status a business to give another, is that of tenure. Giving them the right to do whatever they want without ever being fired. It’s a lot of trust and you can only hope those with it don’t betray that trust. I’m sure it will all get sorted and brushed under the rug some way or another. Just know one event, one action, one tweet, even if you’re exercising your right to free speech, can send a cascade of events crashing into to you or down around you. Make sure that cascade is a positive one. Because you can gain so much, or lose it all, in just the blink of an eye.



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