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Category: Life

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Ungrateful, Lack Of Gratitude (Blowing It Scenario #122)

Be Thankful For What You Have.

Sometimes this can be strewn as complacency. We sometimes believe if we’re not striving to obtain more we’re too complacent. We’re taught to want more and in that state of desire for more we can lose sight of the gratitude for what we already have. Complexity can sometimes breed contempt while simplicity can often breed a sense of gratitude for what little we may have. Shed your layers down to essentials and when you do so you’ll find you have more gratitude for what you already have. Air in your lungs, a working heart and mind, freely available water, edible vegetation that also produces that air we breathe, sun and the rain fall that nourishes us and our vegetation, people close to us, friends, family and loved ones, and the love and generosity they show to us. Any form of shelter that can protect you from the elements should suffice for gratitude. Be sure to let all things know you are grateful for them. Yes even the inanimate objects. this is more for you, and less for them obviously. It demonstrates you are thankful for all things. It’s often those who grow up with the least that are so grateful for the littlest things.

Most self help “gurus” will suggest you focus on what your grateful for a few minutes in the morning. Than right afterwards they’ll have you focus on what you want you to achieve. The big house and fancy car maybe you own a jet in this fantasy and you travel the world all without ever really visualizing doing any real work for others. It’s so contradictory to gratitude it’s a baffling oversight of self help. This very action of visualization will naturally create and harbor some form of contempt for your current life. And if you’re ungrateful now what makes you think that will change when you have all the toys in the world? The mansions, the Bentley’s, the yacht, the Gulfstream. You won’t be more grateful, you’ll just continue to want more.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to strive for more. But instead of making it selfish desire, why not be grateful for all that you currently have and than work towards making people’s lives around you better. Give others a reason to be grateful and in doing so you’ll grow organically and each step along the way you’ll be grateful for all that you have and all that you receive.



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Ego Traps (Blowing It Scenario #121).

I Dare You, What Are You Chicken?

This the battle cry of thousands of decisions gone awry. It’s the epitome of poor choices lead by pride and ego. No one wants to feel diminished to less than they are. Sometimes we expose a weakness of our will or fortitude and will see being pressed by others as a challenge to prove that we are more than capable for the task at hand. But that over confidence in our ability is often our ego not willing to relent or take the hit.

Why must we prove ourselves to another for the sake of their enjoyment or entertainment. We only need to prove to ourselves that we’re capable of whatever we set our minds to. And in just knowing within ourselves that we’re more than capable, we never have to show another that we can do something because we already know we can.

Make it your own decision of how you display yourself to the world. Will you be trapped in what others may want you to do, challenged by your ego or pride? Or will you do what you want what feels right to you. If someone ever challenges you to a dare tell them you know you could do it but won’t for them. Instead let them fall on their own sword. Ego is strong but will is stronger.

However ego is never fully gone. There’s a catch to zen mastery. If your trying to let go of the ego, it takes ego to obtain such results. To try is to work with your ego to attempt to vanquish it. Don’t work against it. Just be in the moment and you’ll reach a happier state.

I believe Benjamin Franklin in his attempt to master what he believed to be thirteen virtues. One of which was humility. He stated that the pursuit of humility is never achieved because once one achieves it they become prideful of their accomplishment. Hense defeating that virtue of humility. You can be proud but also try to stay humble, show you can exercise humility even in the smallest of decisions. And celebrate that you did. Be proud of not having to demonstrate your pride or ego.



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Divorce (Blowing It Scenario #120).

Divorce Is One Of The Biggest Life And Relationship Lessons One Can Receive. Don’t Waste It.

Divorce was never even in my conscious realm. I thought I did everything right. Never cheated, Never used drugs, Never uttered bad name towards the other, only built up each other, Went to bed every night together, every evening would tell each other, “I’ll love you more tomorrow than I did today” and every morning we woke up we would say to the other “I love you more today than I did yesterday.”

We traveled the world together, we saw Buddhist temples in Thailand, had lunch on Machu Picchu in Peru, ate termites in the amazon rain forest, Sailed through the Greek islands and rode quads throughout Santorini and Mykonos. Went on night hikes and ziplined through the jungles in Costa Rica. Skydived in Kauai and relaxed on their marvelous beaches. Was told on numerous occasions they would never want to go through life with another, and I was the love of their life.

So how did it all fail? How Did It End In Divorce?

It all comes down to the little things. Those little things that you begin to neglect the more time spent with another. And as you neglect those things they slowly erode the relationship as they become more habitual. until you finally reach the point where it would be awkward to reintroduce them into a relationship. We’ll call this phenomenon learned neglect. Where each mild neglectful action is slowly reinforced by continuous love and affection even though you stopped the actions that might be deserving of that love and affection somewhere along the way. You may not even notice it. This is why communication is so important. Tiny leaks can sink great ships and if you don’t pay attention, your marriage too could be relegated to the bottom of the sea.

Do Not Use The Word Divorce.

Divorce

We had our occasional arguments a few blowouts where I said things I didn’t mean. They were very few and far between. Here is a massive lesson for you, never ever verbalize the D word (divorce) in the others presence unless you’re ready to begin your perilous decent. Even if you think it’s the best way to end an argument trust me it is not. Distraction is another culprit on the on the relationship killers list. I could have spent a lot less time distracted, A LOT less time. We are so absorbed by other things that catch our interest, we get pulled in too many directions and forget to focus on whats important.

However you are luck.

My loss is your gain, and it’s also the gain of my relationships from here on out. Divorce is such a powerful lesson don’t throw it away or revert into self loathing. Know that it falls on your shoulders, take ownership of it and be better down the road. Here are the most valuable takeaways I can give you.

Trust-

this is the foundation of all relationships and it must be respected, you have to trust each other. You have to believe the other. Jealousy has no place in solid committed relationship. What you or your partner may have done it their past has no bearing on the present or your future together. Try to welcome your partner without judgment and if you do come to a problem with some thing from your partners past, learn to forgive. It’s in the past and I’m sure had they known you then it would not be part of their past.

Communication-

Communication is paramount. It’s where you find out your partners likes and dislikes, wants and needs, worries and fears. Tell each other what you want from the other and from life, tell them often. It’s where you discover how your partner is feeling and you should be able to ask and receive an honest answer at any given moment in time. Guessing is just setting both of you up for failure. And don’t assume the other knows how you feel or think they are supposed to know that information. Sometimes we know but it’s far better for both parties to just talk it out.

Attention-

Put down the fucking phone from time to time, pay attention to your someone. Sorry to use such crass language but this is becoming the norm in most relationship and it’s slowly eroding all that you’ve built together. That action is simply telling your partner non verbally that your tech with it’s news feeds and it’s easy access to all the other people on facebook, snapchat, instagram, or pinterest, are far more interesting than your partner.

And you would prefer to be entertained by whatever is going on onscreen rather than engage with the real life human sitting across from you. It’s somewhat of an emotional cheat, you are reaching out to tech to get what you feel you are lacking from your partner. Don’t go in search for outside entertainment, be present in each others company. Give that person your full utmost attention. Be comfortable with boredom. it’s not always going to be massively stimulating and that’s fine embrace it for both your sakes.

Affection-

Touch each other often, cuddle with each other, kiss each other, hold hands everywhere you go. Have sex, lots of it and don’t be afraid to use your mouth. Use communication to find out what your partner likes and wants are, than go and do that to them or for them. Something happens physiologically when two people continuously embrace. Your bodies almost seem to crave each others. There is this wholeness between the two of you. Use it to both your advantage.

When you stop touching that craving diminishes and it becomes much more difficult to want what you are not currently receiving from that partner. This is where some partners find themselves straying if they are not having their needs met. Which is basically the end of the relationship regardless. Do not do this, it’s incredibly selfish if you feel you must move on give your partner that same right. Once you have strayed there really shouldn’t be any coming back from that. Steer clear of this and just frequently touch each other and hold each other close.

Appreciation-

Give honest sincere appreciation of each other and their actions and or sacrifices. Say thank you and mean it, that simple gesture is so important and it can have a massive impact on future actions. If your partner is someone you’re thankful for let them know it often. What ever they do for you is simply icing on the cake and with each layer let them know how grateful you are for it.

Putting It All Together

Anyone can have tremendous success in a relationship. It does not have to end in divorce. Find someone who fits you perfectly and always work to insure you grow your relationship together and that it’s a positive one on both your lives. One that you impact each other in ways far beyond the surface. That you’ll strengthen your resolve in one another and continuously deepen your connection. It really is easy you just have to find the right person you are willing to do this for and they are willing to reciprocate.



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Curse Of Knowledge Blowing It Scenario #119).

This Is When You Are Knowledgeable In A Particular Subject Or Have Some Form Heightened Understanding. Sometimes When You Know Something And Grasp It, It Can Have An Adverse Effect On You. You’re Cursed In The Sense You Believe Everyone Carries This Same Knowledge.

You become handicapped by this belief and don’t utilize your abilities to there fullest. This is really a tough one and if we’re not over confident in a particular area, I believe we can and have all fallen prey to it without ever really knowing it. And that is where the curse begins, you withhold your knowledge in the belief no one could possibly want or need this because I know how to do it, and if I know I’m sure everyone else knows.

It slightly falls in line with impostor syndrome where when you begin a new specialized task and because you aren’t quite an expert you feel like an impostor. You feel at every turn you’ll be exposed for the fraud you think you are in that moment. Either fake it till you make it or believe in yourself. Because here’s the catch everyone is slightly uncertain and people do want and need your knowledge. No one has all the answers. Discover what your knowledgeable in and teach others. Or use that knowledge to help others. Those services are highly valuable and coveted by many who don’t already possess them or have the time to acquire them.

Try not to be over confident to the point of cockiness but stay highly confident in your abilities to the point that you don’t get trapped in the curse. I fall victim to this curse all the time. After building this website friends would say why don’t you build websites for others and I would say I figured out how to do it pretty easily others will have the same abilities. Every time I write I think everyone already knows this stuff why reiterate it. But I do it anyway because I could be wrong maybe it is new useful knowledge. Everything we do can be useful to someone else. We just have to find those things and believe we are necessary to growth.



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Taking Yourself To Seriously (Blowing It Scenario #118).

Life’s Too Short, Have Fun, Be Playful, Get Creative.

Sit back, relax, kick off your shoes and throw up your feet. Let me be your leisure coach for a brief minute. Too often in our lives we take ourselves far too seriously. So much so it often comes back to bite us in our ass. It’s a catch 22 of sorts. We may want a certain lifestyle and in that chase we’ll not only take ourselves too serious, we may altogether miss the mark. And while working so hard for what we thought we wanted, trying to hit said mark, we’ll often damage not only our fun and happiness, sometimes even our relationships. Our goal may still grow further out of reach with it. So why not enjoy yourself along the way.

From the sage advice of Michael Scott to Dwight Schrute in the hit classic The Office. Always remember K.I.S.S.- keep it simple stupid. Mildly insulting but great advice. It’s as easy as that, simplify all things. Let go of what others might think of you or even your feelings about how you’ll feel. You may look weird or dumb or maybe your actions will be misinterpreted. Who cares it’s not for them and most of the time people are envious they can’t be as free because of their structured barriers the have placed around themselves.

Play like a kid again it’s where creativity hides. It’s funny how we’re organized to be so structured even in what is supposed to be creative environments. But fail to have any creative thoughts or inspiration in those same environments. It’s not until we shirk the status quo and have a little fun that life opens up to us. No judgments pure freedom. Have fun in your relationships, fun in your work. Life can be so amazingly fun if we just can just except that we don’t always have to take ourselves so serious.



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Impulsivity (Blowing It Scenario #117).

A Lack Of Proper Judgment And Restraint In Decision Making.

Boy is this one fun though. It’s fun to be impulsive at times to just fly out to a new destination on a whim, kiss the girl of your dreams, buy the car you’ve always wanted, go cliff diving, . The problem is not in the doing of these things. Doing can add much reward to your life. It’s the not thinking them through first that can come back to hurt us. It’s a gamble that you are taking a leap in the right direction. Sometimes it pays off immensely, sometimes it fails miserably.

I feel I’m impulsive all the time but that impulsivity comes from long thought out ideas over time and when opportunity presents itself, you must act quickly. If you have a goal set to visit every continent and than you purchase a ticket to South America on whim one day, that’s an impulsive act in the moment. But in actuality it’s been part of a plan all along. The opportunity came and instead of neglecting it or putting it on the back burner for later, you pull the trigger on it. It may seem impulsive at the time but technically this is not impulsive behavior at all but it can feel that way. It’s very decisive behavior. It’s the, I’m going to do this and I’m going to do it now mentality. This is highly beneficial when thought through. However it can be highly detrimental and can have major consequences if you have not thought it through or if your thought process is focused on the negative or the material. Or if your impulsions involves someone else and they don’t want to be a part of it. This is where you can potentially do harm to yourself and others. Steer clear of this if you can.

It’s really quite simple, just think before you act. If you going to make impulsive acts, plan them out long before they happen so in that moment you’ll know exactly what you want and won’t have to over think it. Make them decisive acts. Keep it all positive and optimistic and choose decisive acts that will enrich your lives and the lives of those around you.


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Indecision (Blowing It Scenario #116).

A Lack Of Decision Making Skills.

How often do we go through life debating with ourselves about what we truly want, only never to land on a definitive answer? This is the crux of the problem with indecision. We find ourselves stuck in neither what we want and can’t seem to find exactly what we don’t want either. Indecision sometimes just feels so safe and comforting, like you can just curl up and sleep in it’s warm inviting embrace. You don’t have to be weighed down with the pressure of having to make a decisions for yourself.

Decision making can be scary, there are so many variables that can arise from that proposition. Did you make the right one? What will others think? Will you be happy with that final decision? Everything from that point on falls squarely on you shoulders. You are the decision maker and what you say goes. It’s a tremendous amount of power you wield in your own life and definitely one of high pressure and stress. But doesn’t it just sound so much more of an amazing life than sitting idle in complacency?

We have so much power to control the trajectory of our lives, yet we under utilize it or differ it to another by not making decisions for ourselves. From the onset of morning, till you lay your head down in the evening. Everyday choose how you will create that day. What you will do, how you will do it. Will it be a positive progression? Will you make a difference in other peoples live? Make the decision and act on it.



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Allergies (Blowing It Scenario #115)

Screw You Histamines.

Look pollen you can stop already, I get you serve a purpose but at what cost? Can I get a little reprieve from this incessant sneezing? These allergies are off the charts this season. I am completely kidding about pollen taking a break. I know it serves a much greater purpose than ravaging my sinuses.

Why does something that creates such beauty cause such pain at times? Is beauty pain? Some might argue so. Rigorous days at the gym for that body you’ve always wanted. Hours of primping before work or that big date. Countless days, months, even years toiling to build a business, an invention, something beautiful for the world to enjoy.

Maybe pain is beauty or beauty comes through pain. And we’re all required to sometimes deal with the bitter, or the sour, to get to the sweet. Maybe allergies are natures reminder of this fact. The flowers, the fruit, the trees, all must deal with the pains of the changing seasons, the acclimate weather, the harsh environment, even death and decay and those that survive it come out stronger and more beautiful than before. And those that don’t survive still serve a greater, albeit a more painful purpose. Never the less they’re still contributing to the beauty of the rest of us plants, humans and animals all alike.

I’ll choose to believe that allergies are just nature’s way of reminding us to embrace the pain, and enjoy the pain. Because something much more beautiful is waiting for you on the other side of it.



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Distraction (Blowing It Scenario #114)

An Attraction That Steals One’s Focus.

I thinks it’s safe to say we live in the most distracting era ever in history. We have endless entertainment laying in wait in our pockets or handbags. Just at the tips of our fingers we can contact anyone in the world and they can contact us. Either with voice calls, text or videos. Just now I’m being distracted by my phone and my pets. We have family and friends who need our attention and sometimes we need theirs. Our email boxes are perpetual growth machines which is not a good thing.

In a time we need to maximize our focus to get ahead, we seem to have such a limited supply. Or we’ll put or focus into menial task that don’t move the needle forward. We’ll waste hours surfing the web, or posting on social media, or binge watching the latest series on Netflix. We’re so distracted we can’t even give our significant others the time of day. You see it all the time, boyfriend and girlfriend sitting across from each other out in public, both their heads buried in their phones. Because who can be bothered with the bore of a person they chose to spend their time with when there are so much more important more entertaining things to get done online? Groups of friends while out together won’t even talk to each other in the presence of each other because they are so enthralled with their technology. We need to re-establish our focus win our time back. Focus is paramount to getting stuff done as well as being respectful to those you are with.

Delete the apps, turn off the phone, the t.v. the tablet. If you can’t do that at least set them to do not disturb when you need to give your attention to someone or something else. In order to get real work done, you may have to cut out all distraction. Find a place where no device, no person, basically a place nothing can disturb your work. Maybe an office, hallway, closet what ever you need to find complete peace. Simply focus on the task at hand and you’ll be able to get far more work done in a fraction of the time. Let’s not be so frivolous with our time or our mental capacity. Let’s stop wasting it with distraction and gain back some much needed focus.



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Suicide (Blowing It Scenario #113).

Suicide Is A Very Sensitive Subject But I Feel It Needs To Be Addressed.

This week we lost two big names in the entertainment and fashion industry. Two people who to the outside world seemed to have it all. A women who started a fashion empire with her beloved handbags and a food critic travel host who delighted us with his tales of world travel and the people, culture, and delicacies encountered upon those travels. Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain each took their own lives this week. It’s incredibly heartbreaking and my condolences go out to their families friends and all those close to them.

It’s tough for me to speak about suicide having never experienced that level of mental anguish. As a child I would question what is our purpose here? Do we really have any meaning? Which at times lead down a dark road but those were temporary moments in time, always fleeting to give way to much better thoughts later on. Yes, there is meaning and purpose in everything we do, the trick is to find it. Step outside yourself to see what others gain from you. We must crush the ego in the moments tension is high with dangerous thoughts. It’s not about us. Understand that life is about more than just the me or the I, we can’t think in terms of self. Such a myopic view would give way to acceptance that we can indulge these negative urges at no expense to anyone else. There is always someone else, parents, children, family, friends, fans, employees, coworkers the list goes on and on. We do serve a greater purpose. We also can’t allow what others do to us, dictate how we feel within ourselves. We control all of that, don’t give way to another to choose that for us. No one should have that kind of power over us.

Suicide is a very sensitive subject, it is a permanent solution to a very temporary problem. With one hand you want to shake these people and tell them that they are loved and they have people that rely on them, don’t do this. And with the other hand you want to cradle them in your arm and let them know everything is going to be alright. You will get through this.

It’s weird how both sides of this coin still land on your self. You will need to create new more empowering thoughts within yourself but ones that include others. Always remember you are loved, even if you feel you are not, give it in abundance. You can serve a purpose and if you feel you have no meaning, make it your mission to give others meaning and let go of your own ego just continue to build up others. Expect nothing in return and your heart will be full. However if you truly need help in this very moment. Don’t hesitate to call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255. Be safe and help others.



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