Life Archives - Page 2 of 12

September 10, 2019September 10, 2019

Destroying Your Reputation #219.

Reputation Takes A Lifetime To Build But Only Seconds To Destroy.

This has to be one of the most unfair statement in history. Work your whole life for something as important as one’s own reputation. Only to make one false move and it’s gone. Is this more of a preamble to the fact we are less forgiving creatures?

Is this a statement that requires us to walk on eggshells our whole lives? Never rock the boat, never push any ones buttons, Never go against the one you created for yourself.

What Is The Reputation You Want For Yourself?

What if you want to change it later? If you have a bad one, destroying it could be a good thing. All change requires you to refute current reputation. This is truly a conundrum. Do you maintain status quo? Or go against the tides?

What roll does ego play into your decision making? Reputation might be the greatest casualty of the ego.

Does your need to satisfy your ego reflect poorly upon your reputation? Or is your ego so firmly tied to it that you fear you’ll lose attention by neglecting it’s call?

A Brilliant Example.

Has been on display within a professional football player by the name of Antonio Brown. Antonio wore out his welcome with not one but two NFL teams. When his ego dictated his actions, he lashed out.

Talent is one thing but now he has a new reputation as being a disruption and a distraction to the team. A selfish player who only thinks of himself rather than the team. However he can destroy that old belief with becoming a great teammate and thriving within that system.

Honestly I think the saying should be reputation is what you make of it and what others choose to see in you. If you mess up there is always another day or another audience. Time can heal all wounds and everyone forgets given some time. I’ve come to realize reputation takes seconds to create and it can be manipulated however you want it.

August 30, 2019September 4, 2019

Ageism #217.

Ageism Is The Discrimination We All Seem To Be Okay With.

It almost seems like somewhat of a joke, ageism. We think we don’t discriminate against different age groups. Yet every single age group does it. Young discriminate against the old. Older generations blame millennials for destroying some of the old ways and businesses that once thrived. Opportunities are abundant at some ages, and completely closed off at others. In dating your age can be a complete handicap or the reason you succeed.

As we age we grow sharper we have more tools to utilize when it comes to problem solving. Yet we treat the older individual often with scorn. Like they don’t deserve a place at the table anymore. In our youth we have vitality, quick recovery as well as immaturity. With that immaturity comes boldness and confidence. Not many are jaded young.

Why is it we look at others differently due to their age? You might miss the love of your life a perfect companion all because they fell out of a certain age group. You may pass up the ideal job candidate because of age.

Why do some cultures celebrate age, care and look after their older citizens? While others seem to condemn and ostracize them? Why is it at some ages we get the respect we deserve? And at others people will try to walk all over you?

Maybe We’re Just Trying To Stay With Our Tribe.

Age Factors into that. Ageism might also have to do with the long held assumptions we have about aging. Yes as the body ages it sometimes begins to lose that youthful vitality. It begins to breakdown. But it doesn’t always have to in the times we assume it does. We could exercise and eat right and hold on to it longer than most.

Yet that will not change the reaction of some when they hear the number of years that body has supported life on earth. We either need to let go of our hangups on age. And if we can’t do that, we should never have to disclose what our age truly is.

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August 21, 2019September 4, 2019

Measure What Matters #215.

The Only Way To Make True Progress And Improve Is To Measure What Matters.

In knowing how to get to where you want to go. You must first know where you’ve been and where you are currently. In order to improve and get better you have to measure what matters. To measure the controllables of any given situation with the intention to improve upon them.

If you are an elite athlete you know this concept all to well. Timed races, sleep measurement, dietary effects, optimal heart rates, peak designed uniforms, oxygen intake, muscle mass. The list goes on and on. Each measurement indicative of areas that may be improved upon. But it doesn’t have to be just the elite athlete.

Measure What Matters In Your Relationships.

If you want to improve your relationships. You could think of ways to measure the controllables that you want to improve upon. For instance you and your significant other could have weekly sliding scales. Give each other a one to ten based on factors you deem important to your relationship. Maybe it’s communication, intimacy, and attention, to name a few. At the end of the week you could give each other a score and discuss ways in which you could improve upon those scores. Where you went right as well as where you went wrong.

Time Is The Ultimate Measuring Tool.

How fast you can achieve a goal is still the best form of measurement. How fast did you get your work finished? Did you perform well at that speed or did you need to take more time fixing and editing? Did you create more measurable problems to fix in that time frame? The goal is to achieve quality in a timely fashion.

Peer To Peer Measurement.

We still have many other tools at our disposal. For the aspiring chef its taste. Are your dishes being met with approval. Approval by peers is another major measurement that can be used to improve upon.

But this system is sometimes flawed. If an anonymous person behind a machine gives you a negative review. You have no complete way of telling where specifically you went wrong with this nameless faceless review. Unless they indicate it specifically. Also another slight problem with peer to peer reviews is that there could be a myriad of other uncontrollable factors that could be contributing to their decision. One’s that you don’t know about. Maybe they were having a bad day, maybe the weather or the commute threw them off. This is where volume is our friend, the more reviews the more accurate the measurement. But don’t neglect those one off negative reviews. Because negative reviews are some of the best measurements lessons on improvement.

Measure The Body And Mind.

Want better health? Measure it. It’s quite simple. First pay attention to what your body is telling you. If it’s in pain or you are in poor mental states something you are doing to it is off. Be it dietary or recreational. The best way to change is to measure what matters. Get a step counter, a heart rate monitor, a sleep monitor. Get your blood pressure checked, test your blood. Watch the changes when certain things you ingest change your body’s composition and how it functions. Measure your heart rates for optimal workouts and than measure that against how good you feel.

It’s all about improvement. We can always improve when we establish a base line to progress from. Otherwise we have no clue what to improve upon. We could just be aimlessly shooting at a moving target. No goals and no way of knowing if we’re getting any closer. Measure what matters and be witness to your life improving around you.

July 3, 2019July 17, 2019

Contradictory Gratitude #204.

Gratitude with an Asterisks, Most of Us Are Doing It All Wrong.

There is an oversight to gratitude that we often go without seeing and that is our living contradictions to that of which we are grateful for. If you say I’m grateful for water, it’s a nourishment to life, it keeps me alive and well hydrated it makes the world a beautiful place. And then in turn you curse the rain for ruining your day or getting your hair wet. Then that becomes an immediate a contradiction to your gratitude. There are so many examples of this; thankful for the sun, it helps all the plants grow and the plants in turn feed us and contribute to earth’s beauty but then you complain about the heat or the over growth of trees in your yard, it conflicts with what you might say you’re grateful for.

Maybe you say to yourself that you’re grateful for your spouse, but than in turn, certain things about them you just can’t stand, that’s another conflict of interest. You are not thankful for them as a whole. You might be grateful for income but loath people who have even greater wealth than you. With that, you are directly going against the gratitude tide and it will hurt you especially if you want to get ahead yourself.

Differences In Gratitude.

Yes these are generalizations of a broad spectrum but that’s just the thing gratitude and disdain don’t live in the same realm. You’re either grateful for the entire array, or not. You may try to break it down to just it’s parts. But when it’s just the parts, you understand, you are not expressing true gratitude, gratitude as a whole. And that is where we shoot ourselves in the foot.

Picking and choosing some of what make things special to us is a losing battle. One that can eventually overwhelm your gratitude. Does this sound better I’m thankful for my spouse’s humor and affection but all the rest not so much? How long could that possibly last? What happens when they are not being funny or affectionate? That’s what we do when we break it down to the sum of its parts, we’re not truly grateful. We’re trying to play both sides of the coin and eventually it’s going to land on just one side. Be thankful for all that you have and all that comes with it.

How I Practice Gratitude.

Thank you to the creators of all things and the energy in everything. Thank you for the sun and the trees for the water and the air I breathe. Thank you for all that I have and all that I’ll receive. Then go on to list all the immediate things you are grateful in your life currently. This is a great way to start every morning. Gratitude is powerful.

July 1, 2019July 17, 2019

Not Checking The Box and Moving On with Life’s Checklist #202.

Think Of Life As One Big Checklist, Each Accomplishment Is A Check. Make Your Check And Keep Moving Forward.

So why in life do most of us insist on checking the same boxes multiple times? Think of it this way, we all have this huge life checklist of all the things we want to accomplish while we’re here on earth. This checklist would have everything spouse, family, college, life’s work, inventions businesses, places to see. So since it’s so full with random goals, we have to break down this checklist into subcategories; dating/relationships, travel, employment, business, financial, etc.

Life Repeating The Past

Now as your going through your checklist so far. How often do you find yourself dating the same person just in a different skin? Or going on the exact same vacation every year? Working the same position in different industries or for different companies?

Maybe you like what you do and who you date and where you go. Maybe you’re simply a creature of habit and don’t want new experiences and just want that same routine every year. But by doing that we keep ourselves trapped in the mundane. We don’t strive for new goals. We also believe the checklist set for us by others, be it family members, or the media, is our own. So we all seem to follow a very similar path.

Moving Forward

It’s time to start saying, “screw it, I’ve been there, done that, now it’s time to move on.” If you’ve accomplished all things in a certain subcategory then push that category aside. Maybe you’ve traveled to every country in the world or you’ve checked all your boxes for dating. Move on to a different category, one with many vacant check marks where empty boxes lie.

Maybe you haven’t scratched the surface in business or your financial goals are lacking, maybe you haven’t traveled anywhere yet. Take a break from the same accomplishments and focus on new ones. You will thank yourself that you did. And if you absolutely want to repeat something, go for it, just add new variety to it.

April 22, 2019July 17, 2019

Listening To Depressing Music #192.

The Entire Spectrum Of Human Emotion Is Written Into Music And Songs.

I highly suggest avoiding the depressing songs as much as possible. As we sing along to the music it becomes somewhat of a lyrical mantra. We repeat the words and phrases of someone who maybe in a dark place. And as we sing along we can just as easily send ourselves to that dark place along side them.

Sometimes the ones who are struggling the most emotionally have the deepest most profound writing.

Art Is Beautiful.

It’s attractive at first even catchy but trust me the longer you listen the more you’re drawn in. We all somewhat tend to adopt the emotional, physical and mental state of the artist we follow. When we act that way, is it art attracting like minds or do desires attract the art? Is it the violent individual that follows violent music or does the music influence violence. Possibly a bit of both, I’m sure they fuel each others fire. Same goes for all emotions in music. Mellow music for mellow individuals. Love music for romantics.

Types Of Melancholic Music.

If you listen to artist like Kurt Cobain, Elliot Smith, Frightened Rabbit. Or any other group or singer who have taken their own lives you can hear and feel their pain. You may even begin to empathize them and begin to participate in that pain. They were all great artist but I highly recommend if you’re going to listen to them, please do so sparingly.

April 2, 2019July 17, 2019

All Of Life’s Problems Can Be Traced Back To One Simple Equation. Expectations Un-met #191.

Happiness Comes When Expectations Are Met Or Exceeded.

Every fight, every break up, every blow out, depression, unhappiness, anger sadness, frustration, everything. All negative emotions can be tied back to that simple equation. Were the expectations you placed met or exceeded? If not, chances are one of the aforementioned emotions befell upon you. And in your frustration, those around you may have payed the price.

We so often don’t see it but we nearly always have some form of expectation placed on any given situation. Child didn’t clean their room like you asked, so yell at them. Spouse didn’t take out the trash or didn’t make dinner. Anger and resentment well up. Now you’re upset with them and the more times they miss the mark on those expectations that you placed upon them the bigger the wedge is driven between you. One of the most sure fire ways to breed resentment is to place expectations on another and if you want to add an intensifier put a timeline on it. If a spouse or significant other leaves you, it’s because the expectations they had for your relationship have not been met.

Where Are Your Expectations Set?

Maybe you even set your own bar too high to begin with, and you’re scrambling to keep up. Which in turn makes you unhappy because you aren’t living up to your own expectations you set upon yourself. Many successful people are often times some of the most unhappy people because their expectation for themselves and their businesses are set so high that if they miss the mark they are a failure in their eyes. Or if they hit the mark they still feel they could have done better. Which there is absolutely nothing wrong with being driven and having high expectations. Just always keep this fact in mind, it could be leading you down a path of pain and misery. Either learn to enjoy the suffering. Or change your ways

If you do have expectations for someone else, high or low, make sure you preset those notions with them, so they can make sure they either attempt live up to them or they can depart from them entirely. Or make sure you have a plan in place in case you don’t meet others expectations. Your financial expectations might be different, your time spent together expectations could wildly out of balance. Your family expectations could not match up. Make sure you communicate these desires. Happiness is simply expectations met or exceeded.

Expecting Too Much From Others.

We all have friends or family who are never on time, always late or they just outright flake on their plans altogether. And we all have the same negative reactions towards them. Let down, upset and sometimes angered. We expect people to follow through on their word. But what if we knew some of our people were that way and we began to expect their excentricities. Those quirks, although rude would never catch us off guard or make us mad again. They would simply be meeting expectations and if they were there and on time they would be exceeding them.

Pain from a death comes from the expectation that person would be alive tomorrow. Yes you will miss them but missing anyone or anything is you expecting to see that something or someone more than you currently are. Losing what you expected to have, love, long life, family, health, friendship. Losing all or any of that can be incredibly painful if it goes away. All parents expect to have happy healthy children and when that expectation doesn’t happen it can have devastating effects on you and your family.

Lessons Learned.

However if you know that all these things are very much possibilities that can happen in life and you begin to accept and expect that. It will drastically soften the blow if anything does go awry. All in all, if you want to be happier, lower your expectations. Once you have those lower expectations, you can than go out and exceed them.

February 12, 2019July 17, 2019

Avoiding Boredom #183.

Welcome Boredom, Embrace The Suck Of Life And Be Rewarded.

All to often we will do anything within our capabilities in order to avoid getting bored, it’s boredom avoidance. And it’s a system that is made all to easy to fall into. By constant entertainment that is always within arms reach. All we need to do is press our hands in to our pockets or purses. To find that little miracle entertainment machine we call a smart phone.

Our Boredom Avoidance.

Bored in line, grab the smart phone. Bored at the dinner table, grab the smart phone. Or if you’re bored in conversation, you guessed it, smart phone saves the day again. Heck even when we get bored with digital entertainment we’ll grab a different digital device to entertain us from entertainment. This is not to say it’s wrong to use these devices. The point I’m making is it’s far too easy to escape. And when we have such easy access to make these escapes. We tend to choose them over almost all other things boredom especially. But boredom is where progress is made.

Why We Embrace The Boredom.

Writing is not necessarily always stimulating but the more I do it, the more I progress in the discipline. And with those progressions the better I get and hopefully the more people I might reach. Within that reach, maybe these words affect other individuals in a positive way. It’s the same for all disciplines, all growth, all work.

Like the coder who stays up late in front of the computer. Or the football player practicing foot work and timing or the perfect spiral. Each line of code, each pass of the football may become monotonous and mundane. But if you can become repetitious and comfortable in that mode. Where you can accept and embrace the boredom of it all. As well as the times where it just plain sucks, you have the potential to become great. So be bored and find a way to love it because great things can happen in that realm. Progress is boring sometimes, celebrate that fact.

February 6, 2019July 18, 2019

Comparing Yourself To Others #182.

Comparing Yourself To Others Is The Fast Track To Unhappiness.

No matter if you fall short of your hopeful comparison twin or exceed them you will only come to find that race is one that is never won. You are either trying to keep up, following in someone else’s shadow or you surpass them only to be left unfulfilled knowing that it was all in vain. And to keep going you need a new benchmark you’ll be comparing yourself too. Know that it means nothing if you’re living someone else’s ambitions. You will get nothing rewarding back from that.

Examples Of Comparisons.

Same goes for the families who compare there kids to others or there houses or cars to others. What they have over what you have or visa versa. When you compare yourself to others you look for ways that you are better than them. And in that process you alienate yourself from true connection. It comes from a jealous place in your heart. You can never truly be happy for another if you are always trying to outdo that other.

Maybe it’s a friend or relative, maybe it’s someone famous that you are envious of and want to emulate there life or have a better life a better family with more wealth and a higher social status. You’ll chase it so show others you made it but no matter how you spin it’s a depressing chase.

Build Your Own Image. One That Others Want To Emulate.

Listen to any great, When they are compared to other greats they thank those making the comparison for including them in the same sentence but assure them they are working towards there own legacy. They aren’t comparing themselves to others because they’re to busy working on their own ways to improve themselves. The only thing they’re comparing themselves to is themselves and how they can incrementally improve on what they have done in the past. They are carving they’re own path. One others can depressing try to follow and keep up with. Or instead, they can abandon other’s trails altogether and begin to blaze their own forward. Because on that path you can worry not what others think, do, or say, while you’re happy and fulfilled doing things your own way.

February 4, 2019July 19, 2019

The Fear Of Imperfection #181.

Fearing Imperfection Is One Of Our Biggest Road Blocks To Progress.

It’s a bit a of a catch 22. How is it possible that wanting to achieve perfection in our endeavors actually keeps us from pursuing those very ambitions? Or more often we’ll get close to our goal. And the imperfection will hold us back from finishing because it’s just not quite right. It’s not perfect.

We’ll start a project only to give up half way into it. Or we’ll quit when we might be inches away from the breakthrough. Or worst of all, we’ll avoid starting altogether because we don’t feel we can complete the task well enough for other eyes or ears to see and hear.

These our own insecurities that we must master. We have to banish the fear and launch forward regardless of imperfections. Yes we want to put out quality out into the world but we can’t let perfection prevent us from ever putting anything out there. We can always continue to iterate after creation, after we put it out into the world. I’ve said it a thousand times, beauty and perfection reside within the imperfections. Nature doesn’t halt in order to make the perfect plant or animal, each and every thing is unique and it all has it’s place. Wonderful imperfections that should be celebrated.

Work With Imperfection To Achieve Results

So write your articles and post them even if they are not quite perfect, give your imperfect speeches. Launch your imperfect business or invention. Raise your faulty children. Grow your flawed garden. Sometimes it’s ugly and that’s okay, with each ugly rendition comes new ways to make it prettier, new ways to improve. And whats wrong with ugly anyway? What might be ugly to some, could be the most radiant beauty to others. Find your audience and when you do stop carrying what other people think about your work or how you do things. And if you find yourself worrying about being perfect know that you’re doing something wrong and most likely comparing yourself to others. Regardless of what you do, know that it’s perfect, even if it’s not so perfect, just go for it and don’t let anything stand in your way.