Actions Archives - Page 4 of 13

October 25, 2019October 25, 2019

Neglecting The Third Option Failure #226

There Is Always A Third Option One We Usually Have To Discover On Our Own.

We often think the way to arrive at attainment of certain goals is to follow a linear path towards your destination. Usually this path is limited. Often we tend to follow these well worn trails towards our goals, because they are easy and already mapped out for us.

Yet it doesn’t always conclude in the success you had imagined it would. And in those times when we don’t achieve the outcome we wanted. We’ll sometimes give up because we think we have exhausted our options. Or we’ll start over on the same exact path that didn’t work for us to begin with. Hoping for better results this second time around. We neglect the fact that there is a third option, a door that has endless possibilities because we usually create it for ourselves.

The Fun Part Is We Get To Be Creative With It.

We’re not confined to a set of rules to follow. We make the rules. Not finding the love you want. Scrap the play book. Look for a different type of person. Try different means of meeting people. Stop looking all together. Some times the chase is the problem repelling what you desire. Just think outside the box.

Have lofty goals you haven’t made progress on. Find the third door and work that angle. They won’t see it coming. It’s not always going to be how you envisioned it. You will have to make adjustments especially if what you are doing is not working. Find the weird alternative.

The Third Door

There is a excellent book called The Third Door by Alex Banayan. Where on his quest to interview some of the most successful people of our generation he puts these principles to the test. Often ending where he wanted. But not always how he anticipated it would be. There is always another way in. Learn from your mistakes. And keep working until you find it.

October 15, 2019October 15, 2019

Not Addressing Trauma. Failure #225.

Many Experience Painful Trauma, Usually At A Very Early Age. And The Way It Manifests Itself In Your Life Can Have Profound Consequences. This Is Why It Must Be Addressed.

First and foremost if you have ever experienced any trauma in life and want to confront it. I highly recommend reading “The Body Keeps The Score.” The book although quite heavy at times and highly poignant, is a tremendous resource in recovery. And seeking to repair pass tragedy. It walks you through some of the most extensive traumas one can face and the therapies to help combat it and recover from it.

We’ll discuss some of the possibly life saving techniques in this article. But that book was written by a trauma specialist who has decades of research and work in the field. He is the expert and if you want a deeper understanding I recommend reading it.

It’s written to show how the worst of the worst can still come back from the brink. If you find the stories triggering or too much to bear this article will not delve into the back stories only the therapies. In order to move in the right direction. Just always remember no matter how bad you think you have it. Someone out there probably had it worse and they were able to recover.

Heart Variability Training

One of the best do it yourself therapies that will cost you nothing more then focused time is Heart Variability Training or HRV. This consist of using your breathing to change up your heart rate variances. Which ultimately effects your brain and your entire physiology.

Breathing deep controlled breaths has such a profound effect on the hypothalamus which controls all stimuli and triggers that were exposed too. So much of the lower brain can be manipulated by this easily accessible technique. Start with training you body to maintain 6 deep breaths per minute. My favorite for sleep assistance to get back to sleep when the mind begins to wander. Breath in for 6 seconds, hold for 1, breath out for 8 seconds, hold for 1, repeat that at least 6 times.

Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing.

EMDR is an incredible treatment that has profound affects on trauma. More so than just about any drug on the market. When I describe it’s simplicity its mind blowing that this therapy is as effective as it is. Essentially it is waking rapid eye movement therapy.

Rapid eye movement is a necessary part of sleep to repair and strengthen the brain. This treatment takes that physical aspect of sleep and brain repair and applies it to therapy while awake. A therapist while ask you questions relating to your trauma all the while keeping your eyes focused on a quickly moving object. This allows the brain to reprocess traumatic events into manageable acceptance. Usually this therapy takes around 10 sessions to begin to see profound changes.

Acting, Yoga, Massage, And Body Tapping Therapy.

As you get further into breaking down trauma. You begin realize that it is all connected to the body. The body does in fact keep the score and through the body we can work to even that score. A few of those ways are listed above. Acting has proven to have a positive psychological impact. By going through the motions of a healthy confidant individual you begin to take on that persona. Yoga not only helps with body movement it also incorporates controlled breathing which in turn effects your HRV. Massage is similar in affecting and alleviating tension held in certain parts of the body. Tapping Therapy focuses on tapping 9 different acupressure points while restructuring your trauma.

All of these different therapies can be highly trans-formative. Try them all, find one that works best for you. Just remember trauma tends to be cyclical. And usually happens to the young and the helpless. Protect those that can’t protect themselves. Don’t repeat your traumas on other individuals. End the cycles and seek help.

October 11, 2019October 11, 2019

Labeling Simple Explanations As Mansplaining. Failure #224

Mansplaining, A Denegrating Term Used For The Act Of A Man Giving Unsolicited Advice Usually To A Person Of The Opposite Sex.

If the “mansplaining” is unsolicited you can for sure respectfully decline their “knowledge.” Those who impose, never last long at the table anyway. However, sometimes people are just interested in learning and passing on that knowledge to others. Never to come across with an air of superiority but to simply understand the world around them better. And to hopefully assist others in learning something new along with them.

When we debase and corrupt that process, we challenge communication, and we challenge education. We say to each other don’t tell me anything I already know, and before long that becomes don’t tell me anything at all.

We Put Up Walls Because We Already Know Everything We Need To Know Right?

What man can explain anything better than the knowledge we already possess? Possibly not too many. However there may be a select few that have incredible insights that are too afraid to share because they don’t want to come off as superior and make you feel inferior. They don’t want to feel as if they’re mansplaining to you.

But that is not always the case with education. It’s often collaborative. Sure there are facts and certainties out there. Even then, wouldn’t would want to know when you are factually wrong about something?

All of the writing on this website could be considered mansplaining.

I’m a man writing explanations. But for me, I’m just trying to better understand the world around me and hopefully the conversation that grows from it will help others too. I could be wrong on a lot of things. I’d like to know when I am. And that is how we should look at an outside explanation, don’t close if off, question it. What makes their answer right to them?

You may run into the select few that like to think they are superior. But just know those men feel inferior inside. It’s a projection of self conscious impotence. Look strong to feel strong. Those gentleman may need to be treated with kid gloves as to not arouse there internal sensitivities. Agreeing with them may be you best way to avoid conflict. Those are the true mansplainers out there.

September 27, 2019September 28, 2019

Purchasing A Peloton Or It’s Stock #223.

For The Price Of A Used Vehicle You Can Own A Peloton Stationary Bicycle.

Never did I think I would see the day where someone would attach a tablet to a stationary bike then charge to watch Youtube bicycle training videos. But here we are. And the total cost for such an apparatus. Anywhere between $2200 and $4000. It’s $4000 if you want to walk in place on a treadmill while watching your tablet. Add in another $39 per month if you want access to your videos. Now this company has gone public and Peloton is worth over a billion dollars somehow.

This Is Ludicrous.

I’ll save about $2090 plus monthly membership fees right now. First, head down to your local thrift store and purchase one of the many discarded stationary bicycles they have on hand. Usually for around $10. Because nearly everyone that buys one of these things eventually just gives it away, or it sits collecting dust.

Then hop on the internet or go to an electronics store and buy a cheap $100 tablet. Lastly look up free Youtube videos of bike rides, walks, or workouts. Whatever you’re looking to accomplish.

And their you have it, you just saved a couple thousand on what would eventually end up as junk anyway. And here’s the beauty, you can take that tablet anywhere. It’s versatile, it’s not screwed to a bike that never moves forward.

Another Alternative

Is don’t buy any of it. If you already have a gym membership. Which is usually less than what Peloton charges to watch their videos. Than just use their equipment and never have to own any of it.

Lastly And This Might Be The Craziest Idea Of All.

Get yourself a real freaking bike and go outside and ride it. I know the thought of getting outside in nature and actually riding a bike that has two wheels and propels you towards a destination can be scary. But think of the alternative. You could be stuck at home, peddling your feet and watching a screen on a $2000 appliance that never goes anywhere.

Either way Peloton is doing something right, because I’m sitting here writing critiques. While they’re making millions and are valued in the billions. So if you want one and you have the money to throw at it. By all means do it. Just remember when it begins to collect dust, I gave you an alternative.

September 25, 2019September 25, 2019

Employers Dictating What You Do Outside Of Work. #222

Employers Don’t Own Us. So What We Do Outside Of Work Should Have No Bearing On Our Employment.

Yet a lot of employers like to treat you as if they own you. And a lot of industries set up rules as if they own you. Not only for the time that you put in at work but also when you clock out.

There is no better example of this then in sports where your employer is actually called the owner. And the owners write the rules and make player conduct policies that reach deep into the personal lives of each player. It’s all about creating a system where the people they own contractually. Not ever giving them a bad name or representing their product in a negative light. But a lot of it infringes on the personal lives of these players and employees.

What people do outside of their job should be their business and their business alone. No boss, owner, or manager should have any right to dictate what is done outside of those premises or outside the job at hand.

Whatever you want to legally do outside of work, should have no repercussions within in your job. Also if employers are looking into the personal lives of employees it crosses so many boundaries and should be illegal. Something liken to spying or peeping.

I think more laws should be in too protect people from this invasion of privacy. But for now do what you want legally outside of work and if you’re employer fires you for it. Make sure you make a big scene about it.

September 19, 2019September 19, 2019

Performance Anxiety #221

Some People Are More Self Conscious Than Others And Deal With An Unrelenting Inner Voice. Which Creates A Mental Struggle Empowering Performance Anxiety.

This can happen in any setting. Public speaking, sexually, conversationally. It happens in sports all the time. Performance anxiety is more about the discomfort of the situation and the pressure put on oneself to be at their utmost best, rather than it being about the outcome. The outcome is just a byproduct of the former. Sure you may stutter in your speech. Or in sexual situations you not be able to perform like the dynamo you wish yourself to be or at all. In sport you may have an enormous lead that is squandered because you got deep into your head.

It’s Not About You, It’s About The Environment You Create.

Maybe you have witnessed someone have performance anxiety. Did you create a more toxic unwelcoming environment? One where you cast blame and shame the other person for not being their best? Did you guilt the other person with some outside culprit that may have no baring on the situation? Just to make yourself feel better.

Or did you create a calm welcoming environment one of acceptance and peace? One in which the outcome matters not. Sure you want a certain outcome. All parties involved want the best possible outcome. But when dealing with someone that has retreated into their head. You need to release expectancy of that outcome, in order to get back into the present. You need to create an environment of comfort, forgiveness and gratitude for the effort at hand. Be thankful just for time this person has given you.

This Goes For All Anxiety Not Just Performance Anxiety.

Never press an anxious person to stop being anxious. Don’t ever chastise or condemn them. Never assume what is causing the anxiety. Just simply find an environment that is best suited for their needs in the moment. Maybe change the subject to a more relaxed free flowing one. Sometime simply just being with them helps. Give comforting touch if they need it and it helps. Move locations, get outside. Offer to try again later with no pressure. In sports they might take a time out or give the player the night off. Something about the stress of the situation is getting to them. Take the pressure off.

It’s all about assisting in quieting that inner voice so the outer performance can come through beautifully. Some need assistance getting there. Be the creator of the positive environments. If anxiety is happening near you often you are creating tension around your environment. Change that environment.

September 10, 2019September 10, 2019

Labeling Narcissist #220

If You Place A Narcissist Label Upon Another. Know That It Makes You A Narcissist Yourself.

Why do you label them a narcissist in the first place? Is it because you are not having “your” needs met? That they pay more attention to themselves then to you? Why do you care about what others do with their own time anyway?

Also know that unless you live in a cave and have renounced all forms of communication and pleasures of life. We all have a tinge of narcissism to our names. Just in me writing these words is proof of that tinge. Of course I want them to be helpful and useful to others first and foremost. But they are my words that I look after and care for. And want the absolute best for them. Call it narcissism, I’m guilty too.

We All Live Out Our Ideals For Self Aggrandizement.

Some do it in a way of attention seeking while others do it in a way of internal discovery. What that looks like on the outside differs from person to person as well.

Some internalize and withdrawal. Some seek attention in whatever form or medium that best reciprocates their sense of affection, some lash out. The child that is not embraced by the village will one day burn it down just to feel its warmth.

We all want to be heard, to have a voice. We all want to be embraced by others. Narcissism may just be a more extreme form of this and it may be due to past trauma. I’d be willing to bet many on the extreme end of the narcissist spectrum. That individual dealt with such neglect early on in life that it mutated into what you see now. That damage is on the parents of that child. Love and embrace your children often.

Love Yourself.

Just don’t be like Narcissus who ended up falling in love with his own reflection and killed himself because his true love wouldn’t materialize. Love what’s looking back at you in the mirror. Just don’t do it to the point where nothing else matters.

September 10, 2019September 10, 2019

Destroying Your Reputation #219.

Reputation Takes A Lifetime To Build But Only Seconds To Destroy.

This has to be one of the most unfair statement in history. Work your whole life for something as important as one’s own reputation. Only to make one false move and it’s gone. Is this more of a preamble to the fact we are less forgiving creatures?

Is this a statement that requires us to walk on eggshells our whole lives? Never rock the boat, never push any ones buttons, Never go against the one you created for yourself.

What Is The Reputation You Want For Yourself?

What if you want to change it later? If you have a bad one, destroying it could be a good thing. All change requires you to refute current reputation. This is truly a conundrum. Do you maintain status quo? Or go against the tides?

What roll does ego play into your decision making? Reputation might be the greatest casualty of the ego.

Does your need to satisfy your ego reflect poorly upon your reputation? Or is your ego so firmly tied to it that you fear you’ll lose attention by neglecting it’s call?

A Brilliant Example.

Has been on display within a professional football player by the name of Antonio Brown. Antonio wore out his welcome with not one but two NFL teams. When his ego dictated his actions, he lashed out.

Talent is one thing but now he has a new reputation as being a disruption and a distraction to the team. A selfish player who only thinks of himself rather than the team. However he can destroy that old belief with becoming a great teammate and thriving within that system.

Honestly I think the saying should be reputation is what you make of it and what others choose to see in you. If you mess up there is always another day or another audience. Time can heal all wounds and everyone forgets given some time. I’ve come to realize reputation takes seconds to create and it can be manipulated however you want it.

September 1, 2019September 4, 2019

Waiting Until End Of Life For Retirement #218.

We Never Know What The Future Holds. That’s Why We Should Enjoy Retirement Consistently Throughout Life.

In speaking with a hospice therapist the other day. He spoke of a couple that was just weeks away from 65 years of age and full retirement. They had planned a luxury cruise that they had always dreamed of. And just before they were to depart, the wife had a massive stroke. And needed in home hospice care. No retirement, no dream vacation. Just a rapidly fleeting life.

And that’s the problem. Life can change in a flash. This hospice therapist told me of a 29 year old with a wife and kids and 19 year old both of which had brain tumors, he spoke of children with cancer.

It’s truly devastating that anyone could be taken at such young ages. It’s not fair at all but it is an aspect of life. The therapist spoke of the work as being rewarding. To help ease the burden at the end of life. And that’s just it, we have to respect the fact that our time here is limited.

With just a blink of the eye you could be healthy and in your prime. Dreaming of a future that may never come. Than out of nowhere, blindsided by a catastrophic event.

We Can’t Wait, We Have To Take Advantage Of Our Time Here And Now.

After the therapist saw all these patients taken too soon. He realized he had to live his own life before it was too late. He began to take short retirements yearly. A few months off to recuperate and rejuvenate.

Something that we should mandate for ourselves, as well as from all employers. Its no wonder why this F.I.R.E. (Financial Independence, Retire Early) idea is taking off. No one wants to wait till it’s too late to enjoy retirement. To truly take full advantage of that part of life.

I spoke with a retired engineer as well. He and his wife were thoroughly enjoying their retirement. But in order to get there, he spent 30 plus years working in the same office. He said his son once commented to him, “Dad isn’t that just a prison sentence with a life release program?”

Is Your Work A Prison Sentence With A Life Release Program?

It is how most work is treated. Give us two thirds of your life. And just maybe at the end of it you can finally relax and enjoy what you are doing. This is if you had a decent paying career that helped contribute to the income needed for after the work is finished. Or you yourself properly planned for retirement. Most give the two thirds of life and have nothing to show for it in the end.

What Can We Do?

We could subscribe to financial independence, retire early. And get out of the prison sentence while we’re still young. We could find work we truly love so we enjoy every aspect of our life even work. Maybe start a successful business and take command of your time.

We could demand employers to allow us up to 5 months off a year. If we do that, we could institute a new program. That while working, income is placed into a mini retirement account to be used annually. It could be separated out so that living expenses are covered throughout the year and you can take months off with ease and have still your job when you come back. If you still want it. All so we don’t have to wait till end of life, to truly enjoy our life.

Thank you very much for taking the time to read our post. If you like what you read, or even if you don’t, we would love to hear from you. Please join our email list here. Or if you want to comment on this article, or write your own in our Forum. Please sign in here and if you are new to the site you can register here. This website is not intended to be a blog. We want it to be a place to help others grow and learn from mistakes and the Forum is where that begins. Please tell us your stories.

August 30, 2019September 4, 2019

Ageism #217.

Ageism Is The Discrimination We All Seem To Be Okay With.

It almost seems like somewhat of a joke, ageism. We think we don’t discriminate against different age groups. Yet every single age group does it. Young discriminate against the old. Older generations blame millennials for destroying some of the old ways and businesses that once thrived. Opportunities are abundant at some ages, and completely closed off at others. In dating your age can be a complete handicap or the reason you succeed.

As we age we grow sharper we have more tools to utilize when it comes to problem solving. Yet we treat the older individual often with scorn. Like they don’t deserve a place at the table anymore. In our youth we have vitality, quick recovery as well as immaturity. With that immaturity comes boldness and confidence. Not many are jaded young.

Why is it we look at others differently due to their age? You might miss the love of your life a perfect companion all because they fell out of a certain age group. You may pass up the ideal job candidate because of age.

Why do some cultures celebrate age, care and look after their older citizens? While others seem to condemn and ostracize them? Why is it at some ages we get the respect we deserve? And at others people will try to walk all over you?

Maybe We’re Just Trying To Stay With Our Tribe.

Age Factors into that. Ageism might also have to do with the long held assumptions we have about aging. Yes as the body ages it sometimes begins to lose that youthful vitality. It begins to breakdown. But it doesn’t always have to in the times we assume it does. We could exercise and eat right and hold on to it longer than most.

Yet that will not change the reaction of some when they hear the number of years that body has supported life on earth. We either need to let go of our hangups on age. And if we can’t do that, we should never have to disclose what our age truly is.